Story 1:
Jordyn: This story is about the relationship between Josie and Tucker and what happened after that night at the frat party. I really liked the way you showed Josie’s internal thoughts and emotions while only having seconds go by within the story. We got to see what she was feeling during her conversation with Tucker after everything happened and how she felt about him, without it ever being presently brought up in the story. A question I had was what changed in Tuckers mind from those moments at the frat party when they had kissed to now? Why was he the picture perfect boyfriend, and now just a jerk? My suggestion for this piece would be to add a little of Tucker’s emotions or story, similarly to how we see Josie’s, because then we could specifically see where Josie was coming from with her feelings.
Skyler: This story is about an astronaut who has been sent to space, to try and save the human race. I really liked the dynamic between Alex and Percy and how much their interactions created a sense of “normalcy” to their lives. It made it feel as if they weren’t trying to save the planet, or weren’t in such a high stakes environment. A question I had was what were they going into space for? And I also wanted to know more about why Alex created Percy in her mind? Is he someone from the past or a completely imaginary companion? A suggest that I have would be to just expand upon why they are in space and why they are performing this mission, that way we can see why Alex has all of these big emotions and feelings while they are up there.
Kenzi: This story is about someone falling into a cave and finding an unexpected friend within the caves walls. I really liked your attention to detail and the way you made me feel so submersed in the story. The attention to detail was key and with the amount of detail you gave, I felt as if I was right in the story along side Q and Sunny. A question I have is why was Q so calm about being in a cave with a stranger? What was it about Sunny, before Q knew them, that made them feel safe enough to follow into the cave? A suggestion I have is to just expand upon their relationship because we see a small amount of it but I wanted more into just how alike they were.
Lizzie: This story is about merpeople who are investigating the lives of humans, and one character, Stephan, gets super wrapped up in finding out what happened to these humans. I really liked how different this story was from the others that we have read. It is set in a very mythical based land that had to completely created within your mind. I also really liked the way you described the way the humans were and the way Stephan felt about the humans. A question that I had throughout this story was what are they looking for? I felt as if I was missing why they were looking for humans, or the remains on their lands, and why Stephan was so curious about them. A suggestion I have is to create more backstory about the people and their culture as well as why Stephan is so curious about the humans and studying the humans.
Sophie: This story is about the wrestling a girl has in her mind about jumping off a bridge with her friends. She is trying to decide if it is smart for her to jump off the bridge or if her fears will get the best of her. I really liked the inner monologue of the main character. I feel like it was me thinking these things and questioning if I should even think about jumping over the side of the bridge. A question I had throughout the story is how did we end up in this setting? A suggestion I have is to give the story more background into why we are there and why they chose bridge jumping as a final friend adventure. It will help us create more feeling to the characters.
Brady: This story is about the preparation of a date in the perspective of each person in the relationship. I really liked how you gave this story a twist and made the character Demigods. This could just be a simple getting ready for a date story but instead you added this layer that adds a bit more complexity to the story because the there seems to be things happening in their world but we are just focusing on these two characters. A question I had is why is Oliver so worried about leaving Kyle to run things for him? What has been going on to create this worry within him? A suggestion I have is to just add more about why they are so worried about going on this date, and showing us readers what has been happening in their world.
Jenna: This story is told in two different perspectives about a boy getting in a car accident and the aftermath of that incident. I really like the writing format of this story. I liked how we switched perspective between paragraph or scenes and I like how the font change within narrator change. I also liked the mystery of who they were and what they meant to one another. One question I had is how did the boy go from completely fine to hurting in the end? What happened to him? One suggestion I have is to make it a bit more apparent that something is wrong with the boy when we are in his perspective. We are jumped at the end to something being wrong but it was never truly hinted that something was wrong. We heard that he came our unscathed and then just was sore just the crash. But it seems to be more than that, I think adding a little bit more to create more mystery would draw the readers in to wanting to know what is going on with the boy and what is going on between the two characters.
Bridget: This story is about the Sun and the Moon and the relationship that they have. The Sun and the Moon were able to become “humans” and spent the day looking for one another. But when they met Sun told Moon that they had to go back to their places in the sky. I really liked the abstract approach of making a story about star-crossed lovers but with the idea of the Sun and the Moon. It showed how much they needed and loved each other but they were unable to be together. I really just liked how you adapted this archetype to fit. One question I had was why didn’t the Sun want to spend a few more moments with Moon? Why was she so eager to go back to her position, instead of relishing in the moments that they have. One suggestion I have is to make the reason why they can’t be together more clear. What will happen if they didn’t go back to the sky? Showing that would be important to why they aren’t able to be together.
Kit: This story is about a girl who owns an ant colony and is trying to fix the infestation in her room before her mom gets home. I really liked the internal thoughts and monologue by the main character as she is trying to decide what to do with the ants roaming around in her room. We also see her flash back to her childhood and why she is so invested in ants. One question I had is Argyle was so scared about the ants biting her, what is the result of an ant bite? One suggestion I have is to make it clearer the reason for Argyles love for ants but what is bad about them being out. I think if we see that aspect we will be able to relate to Argyle’s fear of the ants getting out and infesting her home.
Cole: This story is about the mysteries of a town in Maine that was built upon a meteorite crash site. It follows the life of the main character and his life within this town and the lies that seem to have been built around it. I really liked the mystery aspect of this story. It feels very futuristic yet like a possibility of something that could happen. I liked how we followed the narrator and his trials through living in this town his whole life. You showed us so much through his viewpoint, without getting into the weeds about everything that happened when this meteorite crashed in the land. One question I had was why would the Founders build a town upon this land? You show us how eerie and scary this place is, so I think knowing the reason for this place being built would be important to understand everything that is going on. One suggestion I have is to add more about the Father and what he meant to the town and why our main character was so repulsed by his father and legacy in this place.
Izzy: This story is about a painter on the streets of New York City and his day. He spots a beautiful woman and is captivated by her and starts to paint her. But in looking way for a split second she disappears and a young child appears in front of him. We then learn that this child belongs to the woman he saw earlier. I really liked this story. It felt so simple within what he was doing yet added such an impact on his life. I really like the internal dialogue within the main character and his brief interaction between the woman but more importantly how he interacted with the child. One question I had was where did this child come from? Had the child been missing throughout the entirety of the story and that was the reason for the woman’s stress at the beginning? One suggestion I have is to just add more of the dynamic between the woman and the main character at the end, it seemed like there could be something there that needs to be explored.
Cammy: This story about a fighting married couple who head off into the woods to camp under the guidance of their marriage counselor. But this adventure turns sour when Jen realizes there is something wrong within these woods. I really liked how you developed the idea of this story, I remember I workshopped this one when we did the drafts and I really liked the way it went. The scary element wasn’t too overpowering or in your face, but rather was very subtle. It felt like a realistic scare rather than one that was just meant for the fear factor. One question I had was why was Ryan so hesitant to listen to Jen? Why wouldn’t he immediately believe her when she voiced her concerns? One suggestion I have is to expand on Ryan and Jen’s relationship and why he was so hesitant to listen to Jen when she was scared. Ryan could be viewed as the “bad guy” in this because he never believed Jen, could he maybe have something to do with the bad things in the woods?
Scott: This story is about a guy going through the motions of his day after the sudden loss of his girlfriend. He now spends his time people watching in his everyday life because he missed the fact that his girlfriend was sick. I really liked the idea of this story, I think it was quite unique how you presented us with how this character is and his grief without immediately telling us what was wrong. I think the late bringing up of the girlfriends passing was more intense than if we had been told it immediately. One question I had was where was he coming from at the beginning of the story? You bring us into his life and introduce us to him as he wanders home but there isn’t any connection to where he was coming from or how that can impact his story? One suggestion I have for this piece is to make it clearer where the time skip on page 8 takes place and how it is relevant to his character. I think that if you added something in his real life situation that brought him back to the memory of her telling him she’s sick would leave such a greater impact on your readers.
Gracie: This story is about two unlikely friends who find themselves within the storm on the ocean. This story also shows the relationship that each character has in regards to the ocean and what the ocean means to each of them, and they can find pieces of themselves within the ocean. I really liked the odd connection that the two characters had in this story. They seemed like an unlikely pair that would never be friends yet they find peace within one another. I also really liked how opposite they were as well. It was stated multiple times that they were so opposite in view points, Devyn being a pessimist and Winter being an optimist. I think that this is what made their friendship work because while they were so different, their minds worked on the same level. One question I had throughout this story was how did they meet? We see how important each others friendship is to the other, but we never know how they met. I think adding this aspect to their story would create more of an understanding on their dynamic.
Alexa: This story is about a bar owner who comes how each night to his terminally ill wife and how he is coping with the thought that he may loose her. This story was very sad and hit in a lot of sad places for many people. I liked how you could hear the main characters internal struggle when he was with his wife. He acted as if everything was fine and that he was oaky when taking care of her and helping her but internally he wasn’t. It added so much depth to his character. I did also like how you did kill off the wife character in this story because even though we knew it was coming, it had to come, it was still such a take your breath away moment because we see how reality is going to hit our main character. The question I had was what is the context? We get brief details about their life but I feel like I am missing who they are. We don’t know how long she’s been sick, the type of cancer, what his plan is when she goes, what will happen to their bar, will he ever recover, or what does she want him to do when she passes? I just think that if we added these emotional aspects to who they are as human beings it would create such a stronger connection between us and the characters.
Teresa: This story is about a young girl who has spent the day out shopping and a turn of weather makes this one of the worst days of her life. In the aggressive rain she hits a man who walked out in front of her car, that she couldn’t see. She picked his stuff up and was going to help him when another car came. Instead of bringing him to her vehicle and to the hospital she dragged him into the woods, and buried him alive in a hole in the ground and left. She then realizes what she has done when she gets home. I really liked this story, it took an unusual turn from where I expected it to go. I thought she would help the old man but she decided that taking him there to die alone in the woods wasn’t something I thought she was capable of. I also really liked how you created her internal monologue of her wrestling with the decision that she made. One question I had is the story over? it ends at such a cliff hanger and isn’t clear if this is the end of story? A suggestion I have would be to create more of that tension and back-and-forth in the main characters brain when she dumps that man in the hole, it would add more to here resentment to doing this but showing how she really didn’t care in the moment when she did it.
Alex: This story is about a mother who is struggle with mental illness and it has created a wedge between herself and her family. I really liked your writing style, it was very fluid and create sharp detail and description without being overly wordy. But my question was when is everything happening? It was very time-jump oriented and it made it very hard to follow, for me. I was confused at when things were happening and what was real and what was imaginary. I felt very jumbled within each time break and idea. One suggestion I have is to just make everything more fluid, I feel like it could be stronger if the plot was fluid and coherent to the present of the story. The flashbacks work but there was so much jumbled that it made it hard to understand what was what.
Mia: This story is about a group of chef’s on a big night, there are critics coming into their restaurant. But the story focuses on Trevor and his feelings for his coworker Jack. I really liked this story, Trevor had such a sweet crush on Jack that I think everyone can relate to. It was sweet and pure, and he always found the good in Jack at work. I also really liked the way Jack noticed Trevor, even if it was just for a second. Many people want their “work crush” to see them the way they see them, and it was shown really well here. One question I had was what was Jack going to say to Trevor before Sully walked in? Would Jack try to pursue something with Trevor even though he has something going on with the blonde who picked him up? My suggestion would be just adding more about Trevor and Jack’s relationship because they both obviously noticed it but we never got to see what Jack noticed.
Story 2:
Jordyn: This story is about a young girl who was brought to a strangers house in a snow storm and create an unlikely friendship. I really liked this story. I think it held so much sweetness and simplicity in the friendship between Jasper and Maisie. I liked how apprehensive Maisie was about befriend and sharing with Jasper, but he seems like a genuinely good human. One question I have is what happens after this night? Will they were see each other again? Will they become friends? Or more, because they had quite the chemistry in this story. One suggestion I have is to just make that aspect clearer so we can root for their future.
Kenzi: This story is about two roommates who have become inseparable best friends. But one roommate cannot come back for the next semester and they both have to admit to the other tat they won’t be able to spend their days together. I liked the bond that you created between the two main characters, it showed how much they cared and relied on each other and how much they meant to each other. I also liked how our main character seemed to have a slight crush on June. It was such a sweet and child-like crush on her roommate that I wish had blossomed. One question I had is are they ever going to see each other once June moves? One suggestion I have is to just expand on the main characters infatuation on June, because it seems so evident that she has feelings for her.
Sophie: This story is about a young girl who does not want to go to the birthday party that her mother set up for her due to her fear of seeing the family of her passed best friend. She believes that they resent her due to her best friend dying in the accident they were in together when they were 10. I really liked this story, I was not expecting it to go this direction. I liked how much she didn’t want to go to this party, and we were never told, and then once we got there and saw her remember everything was quite cool. One question I had was had our main character never spoken to the family of her best friend after she had died? Did they give her reason to believe that they didn’t like her due to what had happened? One suggestion I have is to add more information about her relationship with her best friends parents and how her fear is all in her head, and that they have been there for her the entire time.
Skyler: This story is about two people, who aren’t really friends, in a past-styled setting England. When one of the men leave, the other is left at home realizing how much they meant to one another and are waiting for the moment when they can be reunited. I liked the way this story went, I felt like there was an underlying romantic feeling between the two characters but that could just be me. I really liked the tension between the two main characters and how it felt like their feelings for one another is the reason for their hatred for one another, if they could just admit their feelings things would be better for them. One question I had is why did one of the main characters not immediately go see the other when he knew he had been to his house? One suggestion I have is to make that romantic feeling more pronounced, if that is the way you are taking the story, to show that they really feel like they can’t like each other due to an unspoken feeling between them.
Lizzie: This story is about two lovers who have a knack for thievery. They have just gotten out of jail and are trying to start a new life but Gwen doesn’t want to be done with their old lifestyle, due to the fact that they are struggling with bills. I liked the action idea of this story and how the heist was throughly planned out. I liked how these characters are so invested in this heist, even though they know the outcome if things go sour. I also really liked the face off between our main character and the guard, it left me worried about if they would get out in time. One question I had is what happened in the Organization they were previously in? You started to explain something and then I felt like it got completely cut off and we moved on to something else. A suggestion I have is to just add more back story about who they were before and what they did before and the secret that the main character had to tell Gwen once they were to safety. I think if we see this side of what they did we could relate to them more and relate to their need for stealing.
Brady: This story is about two girls who are escaping their lives and starting fresh. I like the leaving and starting fresh aspect that this story has, I think there is a lot of potential here for you to expand on their leaving and what leaving means for them. I also really liked how they both were so eager to leave everything behind. They both seemed to want this and I liked how much they wanted to do this together. One question I had while reading was why are the leaving? What is going on in their life or happened in their life for them to just pack up everything, fake their death and move to the opposite side of the country? One suggestion I have is to just expand upon why they want to leave and start fresh and what that will do to them when they leave.
Jenna: This story is about a girl who goes to college and hates it, contemplating transferring. But she meets an unexpected friend and realizes that this school is her home. I really liked this story, I think many of us can relate to these ideas and can understand the feelings that Bree has about college. It feels like such a universal experience, and is good to see that even in writing we aren’t alone in our experiences. One question I had was what is the significance of the girlfriend? I think if we understand why she showed up when she did and what she meant it would be helpful to understanding their dynamic. Maybe it was just me, but at the beginning I did think this was going to be a meet as friends and fall in love type of story. I think that if you flesh out the girlfriend element it will make more sense.
Izzy: This story is about a women who comes back to her home for the first time since her husband died. I really liked this story, there was a lot of emotion behind it and gave you so much of her perspective to understand what she was going through. I also really liked how we saw just how much Liam loved Mel, even if he wasn’t in the present part of the story. I also really loved the letter, it just highlighted all of that love he had for her and how none of what he was doing was her fault. One question I had though about it was how did she not know? She knew about his addictions and how much he struggled with addictions, so how would she never know that he was struggling again? I think if you add that element it will show the signs but how her love for him clouded those feelings of her thinking she was gonna loose him.
Cammy: This story is about a girl who is seeing her ex after a messy breakup. I really liked this story. I liked how you create this image of these two characters meeting but it was actually all in her head. I also liked the main characters willingness to not let Peyton get away with his actions in her made up scenario. She holds him accountable for what he has done and I think that is really important. One question I have why does she think this isn’t the end of their relationship? Does she see a future with him even after he did those things to her? I think expanding upon those ideas would show how much she really loved him.
Kit: This story is about the rebirth of our main character into their more comfortable skin. I really liked the wording and visual elements of this story. it is based solely on the explanation and imagery rather than the dialogue aspect, but I don’t think that it was missing this element, it didn’t feel like something was missing. I really liked how we were able to envision ourselves in the forest that was described and feel the feelings of our main character. One question I had was with the skin falling off/skeleton aspect. If our main character no longer had many of its normal body functions, how were they able to move and to touch things? I feel like this aspect wasn’t as fleshed out as much, like we were missing what was actually happening when they became reborn. I think if this idea was thought over again, it would add that element into the story way better and be stronger in your descriptions.
Bridget: This story is about the life of a husband and wife, and how they are dealing with the wife’s diagnosis of Alzheimers. I really liked this story, it gave me “The Notebook” vibes, in the sense that we see their past and having the husband retelling their amazing life story to the wife to help her remember. I mean that as something good because everyone loves The Notebook and everyone loves the “love” in that story. I think you did a really good job showing the love that the two characters shared, and it was so sweet and wholesome. I did feel like we were missing more of their past life, and it would’ve had more of an impact if we were able to see their past together and see what their life had been life. I think adding that aspect would create more of a connection with the characters to the readers and to each other.
Alexa: This story is about the life of a girl, and how she wrestles with the idea of mortality. I liked the ending of this story, I didn’t think that the buildup we had was going to lead us this way, it was a twist with the way I thought Molly would take her life. The main character is someone who always had this negative connotation about what mortality is and what living is, believing she had taken the life of someone else besides her own. She goes to these woods to get away from her life, and yet finds the end of it there. My question is what is going on with her life that made her find the woods? What has happened within her personal life, aside from the beginning explanation, that shows us why she is so closed off? I think her characters is very deep and complex but we are only seeing the surface of her, I think if we explored more of who she was we would have a better understanding of why she was in this mindset.
Cole: This story is about a boy and girl who become an unlikely paring due to their love for movies. I really liked this story, it was very easy to picture the scenes and feel the emotion of what was happening. I also liked the idea that the entire story was the movie, if that was the goal. I thought that it was really creative and really unique but told the story strongly. One question I had was is any of this real? Or is it all part of a made up story that Will created? I think we would understand that better if we were given more of the life and backstory of Will and Jaime and then at the end, we got a hint at him remembering Jaime if she was real. Having him think back to those moments would be perfect in tying up the movie aspect.
Gracie: This story is about meeting someone who you think is the right person, but it turns out the timing is wrong every time. I really loved how relatable this story was, it was something that I think everyone at this age can relate to and understand the feelings. That want for something to work so much, yet it never going the way you wanted. I loved how you were able to portray this feeling with your characters and words. One question I have is what is going through Noah’s head throughout the end of the story? Our main character is wondering how he is feeling, and if he is feeling the same. If the purpose is to leave that question up in the air, I think that really stuck the landing but I felt as if I was missing his view and his feelings. I think if you expanded upon his thoughts and feelings it would create more depth to his feelings about it not working out.
Teresa: This story is about a guy who mets girl unexpectedly in a bar. The both realize that their paths were meant to cross. I liked the simple love story that this was, it was such a perfect representation of a relationship. It was cheesy and cliche in all of the right ways, it was the picture perfect relationship. And I really liked that aspect of it, it gave such nostalgia to those types of stories or feelings themselves. One question I had was Jennifer seemed so outgoing and confident in herself, why didn’t she call him first? I also think that if we had a time skip to the future, whether it be them together or having one of the characters reflecting on this time they had would really make their relationship more impactful.
Scott: This story is about two criminals who are on the run. This story starts off in a really strong and fast-paced place, we are immediately swept into the action which I really like. I also really liked the dialogue and relationship between Summer and Boston. It was really natural and added a lot of dimension within the story. One question I had was what did they do? And why were they running? We know that they are running from something that they did, and that they have been criminals for a while. But it felt as if we were missing who they are and what they did, what lead them to this place. I think adding that element will really enhance the story and our desire to root for the characters and their escape.
Mia: This story is about a couple who becomes so dependent on each other that it becomes toxic. I really liked this story, I like the characters and the dynamic of the characters. It felt like the stuffy and overbearing relationships you see in on the screen. I also really liked how Theo, in the beginning, kept making excuse to herself for Prestons behavior. Trying to pretend that everything is fine because she loves him, but at the end I love her realizing that she deserved more and that he wasn’t good enough for her. One question I had was when was this set? It felt to me very much like a 1920s stuffy family in Europe or the South due to the emphasis on the money aspect, but then you reference modern day things that made me wonder where we were. I think if you added a definite time, it would make the story flow much nicer.
Alex: This story is about a girl who has a life threatening job, but just wants to be there for the one she loves. I really liked how in depth we got in Reyes’s brain throughout this story, and I really liked how we were able to see that all she wants is to be with Penny no matter what. I think that you wrote their relationship and love really well, it was easily perceived within the moments of the story. I also liked the repetition from the first page to after the flashback scene, when she is talking about missing her target with that last bullet, it feels like we are the ones within the situation. The description of the pain also gave this scene more depth. One question I had was about Reyes’s background, who was she? What was she doing? Who was she fighting? I wanted to know more about her and why she was doing the things she was doing, I feel like it would add more of a connection to her character as we read.
