For my revision there were a few big changes I made throughout the paper. The first being adding another flashback scene between Lincoln and Florence. During my meeting with Jesse, we talked about adding more point and perspective into the characters and into the entire plot in general. I knew that while we could see the relationship between these two characters, I never gave my audience a starting point for what that relationship was and how it blossomed into the one we see on the page. So I decided to create a flashback scene that showed who these two characters were before they met and then how they met, and what this meaning meant for them in their future growth.
During our class peer review I also got lots of feedback on adding more scenes about Florence and Angela, Lincoln and Angela, as well as Florence and Lincoln. I knew that these scenes would all be important to add to show the struggle that Florence, and Lincoln, are facing throughout the story. To do this I added the fight scene between Florence and Angela, that had been reference earlier in the piece. I added this as a reflective flashback, to show that this moment had always stuck with Florence and was an important factor in deciding if Lincoln was truly worth it. And then I also added another flashing back scene of Lincoln and Angela fighting over the phone, and Florence being the person that comforts Lincoln after it happens. I think this scene also added a lot to their characters, it showed just how much they needed each other and how much they relied on one another. It showed that their love and care for each other wasn’t just one sided and that they both need one another to get through their days. I knew before I submitted my rough draft that something like this needed to be added to the piece and I was really happy with how it turned out, and fit within the existing story. I also heard lots of feedback in peer review about adding more the roommates into the story, so I created another roommate character in Lincolns room, and brought all four of the roommates up in more ways. To show how these two characters interact with others and how their friends see them together.
Another things that I added into the story was the idea of color. Jesse and I talked about my artist book in our session together, and I brought up my idea for my artist book. My youngest sister has synesthesia, a phenomena of experience one sense through another. And in her case, she can see or read something and tell you the color of it. So I used her guidance to help me figure out what color or feeling each character, scene and overall feel of the book was. Jesse loved this idea and so I incorporated color and feelings within the story, to help it relate back to my artist book. I didn’t add it to every scene or feeling but sprinkled it within the story to show the resemblance. I want the emotion on the page to reflect some sort of color and feeling within the characters and readers.
Another thing that happened during my revision process was taking apart every sentence, and every scene. I reworked things, deleted things, added things so that there was nothing muddling the plot line. I wanted everything to be clearer, but specifically both Florence and Lincoln’s intentions with one another. I wanted my readers to root for their relationship but to also see why Florence was so hard on herself when it came to Lincoln. And for them to see just how stuck Lincoln was.
