Music blared through the dimly lit basement. The florescent glow of fading LED lights was my only source of light as I trampled through the massive crowd of people toward the stairwell. The empty cup in my hand I tossed down underneath my feet as I trekked up the sweaty stairwell. We had been at this party for way too long and my feet had already started to hurt. Once I came over the top of the stairs to the main level of the house, I was met with more music and the familiar stench of sweat. Stumbling over to the couch, I pulled the Converse off my feet. Standing back up I look for any face I know in the crowd, but it was useless. Slowly I crept toward the front door, pushing my sweaty blonde hair out of my face with my free hand. Swinging the door open I stalked off down the street, with my shoes in my hand.
The evening was a cool contrast to the small space I been cooped up in all night. Letting the evening breeze hit my face I looked up longingly at the stars, trying to find my favorite constellation in the night but the hazy state my mind was in didn’t make that easy. I wasn’t too sure if I was headed in the right direction, but I knew I’d eventually find my apartment, it shouldn’t be too far. A car slowly pulled up next to me, looking over I saw the passenger side window started rolling down. A familiar face appeared from the driver’s seat, short dark hair sat messily upon his head and his dark eyes were lit up by his car lights
“Get in the car Florence, you’re heading in the wrong direction.” Lincoln said, his dark eyes glistening in the light. I nodded at him slowly and walked on my unsteady legs to his white car. Opening the passenger door, I set my shoes on the floor and hopped in the seat. Lincoln rolled the window up and quickly locked the door. The lights in the car slowly shut off as I turned to look at him. Lincoln smiled at me, slowly putting the car into drive.
“I’m not supposed to be talking to you.” I said quietly to him, turning my body so I’m sitting straight forward without looking at him. He snickered from the drivers seat, his blinker going off as we pulled back onto our campus.
“You were wandering around the street with your shoes in your hand, in the wrong direction of school. I thought this would be the most appropriate time to be talking to you.” He said back to me, taking his eyes off the road to look over at me. He was wearing an oversized black hoodie and light grey shorts, looking way more comfy than I do. My jeans were digging into my stomach uncomfortably as I looked back over at him. Our eyes meeting in the darkness, but I could still see the emotions in his eyes. He looked happy to be with me, but at the same time he seemed saddened by the circumstances we have been put in.
“She said to leave you alone. So I had been leaving you alone.” I said slowly, I knew the still hazy state my brain was in would make me spill my heart to him. I tried hard to be deliberate with my choice of words, this interaction we are having could back fire in both of our faces.
“And you are choosing to listen to her? There hasn’t been a moment since I’ve met you Flo where you’ve listened to any of that. Angela is the last person I ever expected you to listen to.” Lincoln said back to me, pulling the car in front of our apartment. I didn’t even realize we had already made it back, I looked at his dashboard and saw the time lighting up the screen. It was past two in the morning, I knew my roommates would be on their way back from the party hopefully soon.
“Well that was the old me Link, I’m just trying to do the right thing right now. I did awful things to her, and even to you. I care about our friendship too much to not listen to what she says.” I said, breaking our eye contact to look down at my hands. They fidgeted with each other, trying to keep the nerves and drinks I had tonight down.
“You know I care about you. I’ve told you that, you know where I lie too. I just need more time to figure this out. I promise you it’s happening.” Lincoln said, completely turning his body to face me completely. He grabbed my left hand out of my lap, holding it with his right. He was doing the right things, saying the right things but I couldn’t shake the warning I had been given.
“No I can’t keep waiting. I can’t keep this up, have you ever thought about how I feel? Every single time I see you, its been up to you and your feelings. The ball is always in your court Lincoln, and I can’t keep doing this. You know how I feel, you know what I want, and you better know how you feel.” I said to him, I could not stop myself from spilling how I was feeling. The rush in my veins from my earlier drinks had stopped, I knew what I wanted to say to him because I knew he needed to know how I feel. It’s been too long since I’ve stood up for myself. “I would be all in, I can be all in, but you have to be all in. This doesn’t work if you don’t put yourself in this. Angela has been important to you for years, and I respect that. But if you’re as unhappy as you say, then do something about it.” I said to him, unbuckling my seat and grabbing my shoes off the floor. Opening the car door, I stepped out onto the pavement.
“You know how I feel! I’ve told you a hundred times. I am trying to end things with her, I am trying to end it as kind as possible. I’ve spent the last three years growing with her and now I’m trying to move on. I need to do this in person, she at least deserves that much.” Lincoln yelled to me, stepping out of the car and slamming his door. I shut mine as well, watching him walk over to me and stand in front of me. The height difference between us makes him tower over me. I stare up at him, trying my hardest not to break.
“This was all I wanted, since I’ve met you. I just need you to talk to me, I need you to tell me what your doing with her. She’s hurt you and I’m on your team no matter what Lincoln, but I still need you to talk to me.” I replied with a blush creeping over my cheeks. He looked down at me, meeting my eyes with a smile on his face.
“I promise I’m trying, but you need to work with me okay. Believe me Florence, I am trying to do the right things for you.” He stated with a smile. I nodded at him with a smile. The haze from my evening had completely faded away and I knew that things were going in the right direction for us. I backed away from him and started walking up the stairs of our apartment. I unlocked the door and turned to look at him. He was leaning against his white car, fluffy hair blowing in the light breeze of the night. He looked at me from across the stairs, a smile on his face, as I waved to him. He waved back, as I turned and walked into the lobby of our building. I heard his car drive away as I started up the stairs.
When I got back into our room, both of my roommates were already home. Maddie was passed out on our couch with the television still playing in the background and Bella’s bedroom door was open just a crack and I could see her sleeping in her bed as I walked to my room. Turning the lights on in my room I set my Converse down beside my closet door. My stark white bedding was still made up nicely from this morning as I quietly shut my bedroom door, I quickly changed out of my uncomfortable party clothes into my pajamas. I walked back over to my light switch and turned the over head lights off in my room, jumping into my white bedding to settle down for the night. I set my alarm to wake myself up for work in the morning and plugged my phone in. I rolled onto my back staring up at my blank celling as I reflected upon my night. I never expected my night to take the turns that it did and I knew that I was happy with the result of everything. Lincoln and I had finally had a face-to-face conversation after I had been blowing him off. I never gave Lincoln the proper explanation for my sudden disappearance over the past week. The conversation I had with Angela still weighed heavy on my heart but I knew where my priorities lied.
I woke up the next morning to the obnoxious sound of my alarm. Quickly rolling over I shut it off and slung my hand over my eyes. It was still way too early, and my head was pounding after last night. I pushed myself up out of the cocoon my bed currently was, and swung my legs over to hang off the side of my bed. Groaning I stood up on my wobbly legs and slowly made my bed. Today was going to go by slower than I intended it to and it was all thanks to the bad decisions I had made last night.
I walked out of my bedroom to the bathroom we all share. I tossed my hair back into a low bun and brushed my teeth. I heard Maddie’s light snores from the other room, so I knew she hadn’t made it to her bed at all last night. Bella’s door was closed completely now, so she had either gotten up in the night to shut it or had left for the day. I rinsed my toothbrush in the sink and walked back into my room to get changed into my work clothes. I hadn’t heard from Lincoln yet but I also hadn’t checked my phone since I turned my alarm off.
There were no new messages from Lincoln. He never texted me last night, I don’t know if he made it to his apartment. I couldn’t help but worry about him, and about us. Did he really mean what he said last night? Or was it all just part of his game? Did Angela find out he and I talked last night, and ruined everything we had worked for? I couldn’t stop thinking about the endless possibilities as I got dressed for work. I can’t change the outcome of his own feelings by dreading what he’d do next so I had to stop worrying. I grabbed my keys off of my wooden dresser and shut my light off. I walked into the living room and grabbed a sticky note off of the counter top. Scribbling on the yellow paper to my roommates that I would be back around eight o’clock tonight and that we would hang when I got home. I stuck it onto the fridge and quietly crept out into the deserted hallway.
The hotel styling lighting in this place always gave me the creeps, the blue carpet had quite a repulsive odor and made me not want to leave our quaint little apartment. Taking the side stairs two at a time I raced out the door, heading to my car. I was already almost late for work, I jumped into my dark gray Jeep and started off toward the longest nine hour shift, with a headache and hangover I knew I wouldn’t be able to kick.
The day dragged on, as I finally pulled back onto campus at eight that night. The sun was already down as I parked close to home. Walking slowly toward home I took in the evening. It was chilly but not enough to be super cold, the sky was clear and there were many stars shining up in the sky. The greenery of my campus was in full effect, even in the darkness, as I admired the beauty of where we got to live. Turning down the small paved road I saw our building. But I wasn’t ready to get home yet, I still hadn’t heard from Lincoln, he was completely missing from my notifications. He hadn’t texted me or even let me know he was okay since last night. I wasn’t going to pester him, or double text him, or show up at his room tonight. I knew we would hear him from down the hall when he came home from whatever excursion he and his roommates would be on for the evening. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I had scared him away with my honesty last night.
I opened up the door to our apartment and was met with the comforting faces of my roommates. Maddie was at the stove, cooking dinner, and Bella was watching the new dumb reality show we had started this week and pretending to do her homework.
“Flo! You’re home!” Maddie exclaimed as I walked in the door. Bella waved at me from her spot on the couch, taking her eyes off the television.
“Hey guys, how was your day?” I asked them both as I quickly went to my room to put my keys away. The room was warmly lit up with a variation of Christmas lights and was filled with the scent of our blueberry candle and the pasta dish the Maddie was making.
“Good, super boring though. Neither of us felt good enough to do anything today. Are you okay to stay home and have a night in? Also where did you go last night, we lost you?” Maddie asked, portioning out dinner for us.
“I am so down for a night in, my head is still pounding. I left around two-ish and just walked home. Not really sure how I made it back to be honest but you guys got home before me so I guess we left around the same time. I lost you guys when you went to get more drinks” I laughed at my roommates, taking the pink bowls from Maddie and handing one bowl to Bella on the couch. I sat down in the chair beside the couch, turning my attention to the show on the screen.
“Dude you know better than to wander off. This happens every time we go out. You need to remember to stay with someone.” Bella scolded me, putting a bite of dinner into her mouth. I nodded at her, I knew I couldn’t tell them about what had happened with Lincoln. They were both left completely in the dark about this situation and I knew that involving them would end up with me being ridiculed for my decisions. They would not be pleased if they knew what I had done to Angela and Lincolns relationship, I never wanted to be the person who ruined a relationship.
“I’m sure she knows that by now Bells, she does it often. We just need to stop splitting up at random times.” Maddie said, with a mouthful of pasta.
“You know that means that you can’t disappear either. Off doing god knows what to make people laugh, Maddie.” I responded with a laugh. Bella chimed in with laugher and before we all could respond we erupted into a fit of laughter. There is nothing better than these moments with my roommates. Being able to just laugh and spend time together was truly the best.
We finished up dinner with some small talk, watching the show Bella put on. I put my bowl in the sink and headed toward the bathroom to shower. I needed to get the germs from last night and todays shift off me in a bad way. Shutting the white shower curtain, I let the warm water hit my body and let all of the dirt from the past two days run down into the drain. But I couldn’t get that pit out of my stomach that had so much to do with Lincoln and his absence.
I got out of the shower, put lotion on and changed into comfy clothes. I took my contacts out and put my glasses on, deciding that no matter what I was completely in for the night. I walked back into the living room and sat back down in the chair to just chill out with my roommates. Maddie and Bella talked about their days and what our Sunday would consist of, I half listened in to their conversation trying to be as present as possible. There was a sudden banging on our door and an exasperated sigh coming from the hallway.
“Come on guys, my key won’t work will you let me in? This isn’t funny.” I heard a familiar sounding voice say from the opposite side of our door. I looked over at my roommates with a questioning glance not knowing who was at our door. I stood up and slowly walked over to our door. I opened it up to see one of my favorite faces. There stood an intoxicated Lincoln, trying to unlock our door with his room key. A large smile erupted on his face as he saw me in the door way, and he looked back at my roommates sitting behind me.
“I don’t live here.” Lincoln stated, but pushed past me to sit down in the chair I was previously residing in. He dropped his bag on the floor, which clattered with empties and pushed the baseball style cap off his head onto the ground. His dark hair was scattered messily on his head as he turned his attention to Maddie and Bella.
“Hey buddy. What are you doing here?” Maddie questioned him, eyeing me and Bella in the process. Lincoln and his roommates always came over after their nights out but it was strange to see just one of them, especially this early on in the evening.
“Well I was at a party down the road with the boys and then we left. I thought everyone came here but apparently not. I also thought this was my room, it looks the same from the outside.” He rambled, bringing the half full can to his lips to take a small sip. “Flo, do you have any food? I’m so hungry.” Lincoln stated, turning his attention back to me for the first time since he entered our space. He turned his head to look up at me, the drinks from tonight had made his cheeks flush a light pink color and there was an excitement behind his brown eyes that usually meant nothing good.
“Of course Link, what do you want? We had pasta for dinner that’s left over or we can just have a small snack?” I asked him, walking from the door toward our kitchen.
“Pasta please.” Lincoln hummed from his chair, his attention engrossed with the show in front of him. Getting his food together I heard him and my roommates chattering about nothing important, but my nerves were getting the best of me. In my short months of knowing Lincoln, he was not one to be quiet about anything, especially when he had any type of substance in his body. The microwave beeped, bringing me out of my thoughts and back into reality. Grabbing him a fork, I walked back over to his chair and handed him the warm pink bowl.
“Thanks. Sit with me?” Lincoln asked softly, making direct eye contact up at me. He knew I couldn’t say no, even though he asked with a room filled with other people.
“Yeah, okay.” I responded back in a soft whisper, perching myself on the arm of his chair. I didn’t want to cause a scene, just making it seem like there was nowhere else for me to go since he had stolen my chair. Sitting on the edge of his chair, I noticed he had scooted himself more towards me, and was resting his head softly on my left arm. Slow spoonfuls of pasta went into his mouth, completely engaged with the show in front of him. He took another bite of pasta, but this one ran down the front of his grey sweatshirt.
“Seriously.” Lincoln whispered to himself, wiping it off his shirt and back into the bowl. From his side I looked down at him, the anger on his face from ruining his shirt was apparent.
“It’ll come out.” I said softly, his eyes met mine and he smiled. It was like everything was right when we looked at each other. No one else in this room mattered but us. We were just staring and sharing small laughs about a dumb story Lincoln was telling when Maddie cleared her throat, grabbing my attention.
“Bella and I are going to bed. You got him?” She asked me, looking between Lincoln and I.
“Yeah, I’ll bring him back to his room soon. I’m sure his roommates have no idea where he is. ” I said nodding my head as both of my roommates made their way to their rooms. Lincoln sat happily in the chair, resting his head on my arm, as he watched the television. Once he heard both of my roommates doors shut, he lifted his head off of me to look up at me.
“Hi.” He whispered, his brown eyes were lidded with sleep as he tried to keep himself awake to talk to me. “I missed you.” He said softly, running his hand through his hair. He rotated his body in the chair so he was fully facing me now, I swung my legs around the arm of the chair so they were in the seat with him.
“You were the only who never reached out to me.” I said back to him, pushing my glasses up higher on my nose. A sad smile appeared on my face as I said that to Lincoln. I hadn’t spoken it out loud yet to anyone how hurt I was that I hadn’t heard from him until he showed up at my door. Even in the state he was in, I knew he was understanding my worries.
“Yeah I know. I’m sorry for that, I shouldn’t do that to you. I just forgot that we were better, ya know? Like after we didn’t speak for a week I just assumed it was done with and then last night we had that conversation, and I just was so stuck in that mindset I forgot. I’ll do better, promise.” Lincoln responded, with a slight slur to his words. His eyes fluttered closed but he snapped them back open immediately.
“Okay. As long as we are still good, it’s okay.” I said, he nodded in response immediately. “But let’s get you to bed, you’re a mess.” I laughed, standing up out of the chair. I grabbed his bag and his hat, extending my free hand to him. He grabbed it and stood up, wobbling as he did. “Phone and keys in your pocket?” I asked him.
“Yes ma’am. Do you have your keys?” He asked me. I laughed at him, holding up the keys in my hand. He stood by my side and snaked his left arm around my shoulder, my right one going around his waist to steady him. We left my room and headed down the hallway toward his apartment.
Stumbling with him down the hallway we made it in one piece to his door. I took his keys out of his hand and unlocked his door. We were met with the shocked face of one of his roommates.
“Dude where have you been?” Connor asked Lincoln. He then turned his attention to me. “Where did you find him? He’s been missing for two hours and wouldn’t answer his phone. I thought he was dead. ” Connor exclaimed.
“He ended up in my room. He thought it was his room, but just stayed for a while. I fed him and now I’m bringing him back to go to bed. I didn’t know you guys were looking for him, I would’ve told you I’m sorry. ” I answered for Lincoln, who had laid his head on top of my head. I could feel his breathing relaxing, knowing that he was so close to sleep.
“I wanted to see Florence.” Lincoln slurred from above me, letting go of me, he stumbled over to the couch. He threw his body on the couch with a loud thud, before unintentionally sliding off and ending up in a heap on the messy floor.
