Category: ENG 110

Peer Review Screen Shots

Recursive Process:

 My revision process has changed a little bit over the past semester. While I didn’t change my grammatical revision process I did change reorganization and new paragraph additions. I have learned how to add more information to my paragraphs to show my own ideas in the paper. I am able to take pieces out of one paragraph, where it may not be working too well, and incorporate those important ideas into another paragraph. This kind of reorganization was really helpful for me to adapt and use this semester because it helped me keep paragraphs and ideas that were very important to what I was talking about. Before I learned this i would just scrap those ideas since they did not fit into the paragraph they were in. I also learned how to split up paragraphs and add new paragraphs into my writing. I usually write long paragraphs that get very boring but this semester I have learned how to split a single paragraph up into multiple paragraphs that all flow nicely together. These ideas that I have learned have helped me become a better writer and be able to show my opinion and ideas in better ways. 

Integrating Ideas:

 When it comes to integrating ideas of other authors into my work I personally feel like I am able to do a really good job at this. All throughout high school I did timed writings where it was required to use the ideas of the authors we read about earlier and summarize or quote them in your work. I have always felt like I was able to make connections between my own ideas and other authors’ ideas as well as the ideas of two or more different authors. I think this has always been a strong suit of mine and throughout this semester I have just been able to strengthen these ideas in all 3 of my papers. 

Document Work (MLA): 

Along with using another author’s ideas I think that in-text citations are also a strong suit of mine. I have always quoted an author and then used a citation at the end of the quotation in my papers before it was even a requirement in this class. I was always pushed to do this in high school and it became a habit for me. And because of that I have always had them in my writing, as a way to credit the ideas that I am using from other authors. My Works Cited page has been a challenge for me to learn the proper way to put the full citations in my paper but I am definitely getting better at the citations and its rules.

Reworked Paragraph: 

Reparations are a way to make amends to people who have wronged, and this can happen at any level. Whether it be small with only a few people or on a larger scale with many people involved, the bigger scaled reparations usually happen with governments and giving back to minorities that have been wronged. The idea of reparations has been talked about for many years, to be given to all of the black people living in America. Since the dawn of America there have been injustices toward black people, and it has continued to the present day. There have been no changes made and there have been talks about changing up no change has really happened. Coverage about reparations has increased and more people are starting to talk about making this change, to pay back these people who have suffered their entire life just because of their skin color. Author Ta-Nehisi Coates wrote an essay called “The Case for Reparations” which talks about what reparations are, what they mean to people and why they have not been passed yet in America. The idea of reparations has been talked about for many years. The first discussion of reparations happened after slavery ended. Coates begins his discussion on reparations by talking about what has happened to these people after slavery had ended, they weren’t able to buy housing with mortages and they were giving more money to sleezey salesmen. This is not the only offense, but one that Coates felt passionate about, to show the injustices in a real situation. Once again these ideas were brought up to the people in the government, there were people who wanted something to change and to give these people some compensation for their generations of suffering. What they came up with was a bill called HR-40. HR 40, also known as the Commision to Study Reparation Proposals for African Americans Act, is a bill that has been thrown about the Senate floors for years. It was initially proposed by John Conyers JR and he has been fighting for over 25 years for these reparations to happen. Coates talks about the ideas that Coyner had for this reparation bill and just how it wasn’t going to work. There has been much discussion about the bill and what it stands for. Coyner, and Coates, wanted the black people of America to get something in return for the horrible treatment they have faced since the dawn of America. Yet, there is something more that Coates thinks is the issue with reparations. He says, “suggests that our concerns are rooted not in the impracticality of reparations but in something more existential.” (page  21). This idea that Coates has is that reparations will not be achievable unless we do something to change the American government. This country was founded directly upon racisms and racists ideas, people we were owning people of colour when our country started and these ideas that anyone who is not white if inferreiour is still something that we are struggling with today. We still live with the racist ideas of government, and if that doesn’t change then we will never be able to repay the black people for the trauma and hurt they have been put through for generations. 

New Conclusion:

Reparations are something that need to happen. These people deserve closure and equality, they deserve a repayment for the terrors of America’s past. If nothing gets changed, if America doesn’t see its faults there will never be any growth. These racist ways have been ingrained in the minds of Americans for years and if there is no change in how the country is run there will not be any closure for the actions of the past. Reparations are needed for many families and we must see their hardships and adapt to give them some relief. At this moment there has been a movement to start and create change. America is nowhere near where it needs to be to accept the changes that need to be made, but we are headed in the right direction. Younger generations are getting older, and gaining power within the government and we can create change that is needed. We need to be able to open our arms to the people who have been hurt and give them some compensation for the hurt that they have lived through. We are headed in the right direction to finally accept and enable reparations but there are still so many steps that we need to take. 

White people have never had to live through any oppression, the truth is white people are the oppressors. For many, many years white people have had the power and the dictation of America. They are the ones who run the country, make the rules and create decisions for America as a whole. But they have only ever lived with privilege. Even poor white families have more privileges than poor black families, and being poor is also very frowned upon in this country. These people have never had to deal with oppression or fear of their lives. They are the top of the food chain and make very important decisions in this country without ever living life as someone with less privilege. They have never worried about not getting the job or scholarship, they have been the ones runnin things for years and this is creating a larger division in our country. Author and Liberal Arts activist Jeffrey Scheuer brought up a very important point in his article “ Critical Thinking and the Liberal Arts” about thinking outside of yourself and putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, he also talks about what critical thinking is and how it gets developed. He says “The advanced skills that form that bridge include thinking independently, an almost self-evident intellectual virtue but a vague one (and no mind is an island); thinking outside the box (likewise crucial but unspecific); grasping the different forms and divisions of knowledge and how they are acquired (but the forms of knowledge and ways of acquiring them evolve); seeing distinctions and connections beyond the obvious; distinguishing reality from appearance; and engaging with complexity, but not for its own sake”(page 5). Scheuer is talking about thinking outside of the box and seeing outside of yourself as a way to think critically, to have an understanding of something that someone else may be going through. And this idea of critical thinking can tie right into Coates idea of reparation. He says “One cannot escape the question by hand-waving at the past, disavowing the acts of one’s ancestors, nor by citing a recent date of ancestral immigration. The last slaveholder has been dead for a very long time. The last soldier to endure Valley Forge has been dead much longer. To proudly claim the veteran and disown the slaveholder is patriotism à la carte. A nation outlives its generations. We were not there when Washington crossed the Delaware, but Emanuel Gottlieb Leutze’s rendering has meaning to us. We were not there when Woodrow Wilson took us into World War I, but we are still paying out the pensions. If Thomas Jefferson’s genius matters, then so does his taking of Sally Hemings’s body. If George Washington crossing the Delaware matters, so must his ruthless pursuit of the runagate Oney Judge” (Page 21) showing what he believes many Americans are thinking because the people who are alive today are not the ones who were truly affected by slavery. The people who were hurt and harmed by the racism of the past are not alive now, and the close minded people of America are asking why we should be giving people things when they weren’t the ones who went through the hardships? But while they are considered close minded to many individuals, they still have a point in their opinions. They believe that why should they give up their money and resources for something that they never did or were never apart of. Reparation is supposed ot be dealing with slavery itself and the injustices that the black commnity, and many other minorities, faced for years. While we are not a perfect country now and we have lots of growing to do, we are not what we used to be. The politicians that disagree with reparations are thinking that we are the best we can eb and the fact that we have changed our racists views of the years should be enough because they weren’t the ones who caused the most harm.  In some ways Coates agrees with these people because he thinks that reparations won’t happen due to America being founded directly on the ideas of racism. Knowing that the popel who faced the most racism and harmed by slavery are all dead and those who owned slaves are also dead so there is no point in paying back these peope who enver expeierenced these hardships, but the idea of reparations is to make up the mistakes in the past, and that is what is trying to be put into place. And with Scheuers idea of thinking outside the box and truly seeing outside of ourselves, putting yourself in their shoes could be what changes politicians’ view on reparations. If we use Scheuers knowledge on critical thinking and just immerse ourselves in the understanding of what has happened to these people, we will be more willing to help them and give them a second chance. 

I took a paragraph from my original essay and added how the other side would feel about reparations. And why they don’t believe that reparations are important or able to give out. By adding this other opinion on reparations, my audience is going to be able to see both sides of this argument and see where they stand and where I stand on the topic. By having both pieces of information and viewpoints, my readers are going to be able to make their own decision about how they feel about reparations. Giving two sides to the argument is going to create more depth in my writing and give the readers more to chew on as they read my paper. 

Original: Racism is a very disgusting yet common thing in America. Since the construction of America, and before, there have been racist ideas and rules that were put into place by our government. While America itself has grown as a country and drifted from these ideas, it is still an apparent part of this society. Author Ta-Nehisi Coates brought up the idea of reparations in a new light to try and show the American people what black folk have gone through their entire lives and why they deserve the same opportunities as the white people do. Reparations are needed because for hundreds of years America has continued to oppress and hurt black individuals and their families for years. Equality is something that everyone deserves and the way to make amends for the past is to try and put reparations into place and give some sort of repayment for the way these individuals have been treated.

Revised: Racism is a very disgusting yet common thing in America. Since the construction of America, and before, there have been racist ideas and rules that were put into place by our government. While America itself has grown as a country and drifted from these ideas, it is still an apparent part of this society. Author Ta-Nehisi Coates brought up the idea of reparations in a new light to try and show the American people what black folk have gone through their entire lives and why they deserve the same opportunities as the white people do. Reparations are needed because for hundreds of years America has continued to oppress and hurt black individuals and their families for years. White America does not understand the hardships that generations of black families have had to endure. “Critical Thinking and the Liberal Arts” by Liberal Arts activist Jeffrey Scheuer talks about the ideas of critical thinking and references many of the points that Coates makes in his essay. Not only in Coates work is there conversation about the inequalities of families of color and lower class. In Carol Dweck’s TED Talk, “The Power of Believing That You Can Improve” there is also conversation about the hardships that many families face. Equality is something that everyone deserves and the way to make amends for the past is to try and put reparations into place and give some sort of repayment for the way these individuals have been treated.

Changes: I added in detail about each of the articles from class that I used in my essay. This change was an idea that my peer group had for me when we went over my essay. I think by adding this into my essay, my readers are going to better understand the use of the materials in my writing and be able to see the connection between them all. 

Original: These injustices are being seen in many different situations and are becoming a part of normal life of people of color. There have been studies that show students of color or students who are living in a large low income neighborhood are given less resources than students living in a more wealthy neighborhood. Education researcher Carol Dweck talks about this happening with students. In Dweck’s TED Talk she first describes her  idea of a growth mindset, and what you can do if you teach students a way to create a deeper understanding of knowledge they will become better versions of themselves. This type of mindset is what is going to push a child and their academic goals. When she finally gave children, who usually didn’t get the opportunity to think at a deeper level, the tools to understand knowledge and thinking you can see the difference in their attitude and test scores. “So let’s talk about equality. In our country, there are groups of students who chronically underperform, for example, children in inner cities, or children on Native American reservations. And they’ve done so poorly for so long that many people think it’s inevitable. But when educators create growth mindset classrooms steeped in yet, equality happens” Dweck then goes on to describe this change in their performance in the classroom and the change is unbelievable. She sees that they are placing higher across the national levels and are starting to be recognized for their academic achievements. Giving students these types of opportunities is something that everyone should deserve. Dweck does not believe that students should be punished through their education for their families income and living situation. That is out of the children’s control and yet the school boards and governments still do not give the resources and money to these low income areas. This idea that Dweck talked about in her TED talk is very similar to the ideas that Coates had about school for black children in his essay. His idea is  that if you give people of colour a chance to talk to have things that many white families and students get, you will be changing the narrative. Coates interviewed a man named Clyde Ross in his essay, asking him about his struggles as a black man in America. When the Coates asked Ross about money and education he said “‘Without the money, you can’t move. You can’t educate your kids. You can’t give them the right kind of food… My kids were going to the best schools in this neighborhood, and I couldn’t keep them in there’”(Page 36). This shows that there are so many people who struggle to keep their kids in a school system that is going to provide them with the tools that Dweck has talked about but once they lose that money and that chance at keeping their kids there, they have to pull them out and send them to schools that don’t have the same opportunities. “The message the young black boy receives from his country, Billy Brooks says, is “ ‘You ain’t shit. You not no good. The only thing you are worth is working for us. You will never own anything. You not going to get an education. We are sending your ass to the penitentiary.’ They’re telling you no matter how hard you struggle, no matter what you put down, you ain’t shit’” (Page 45) this is just another example of black people struggling to get the same type or opportunity in education that white children have been having their entire lives. Coates believes that this injustice can be stopped and that if we just give all of these children the same opportunities, you can see just how smart black children are and how well they can do in school. School is something that everyone has the right too but we need to have a universal type of education so that all students get the same opportunities. If we do this we can have a variety of people in charge and making decisions for our country, and not have it be the same old white men in charge. 

Revised: These injustices are being seen in many different situations and are becoming a part of normal life of people of color. There have been studies that show students of color or students who are living in a large low income neighborhood are given less resources than students living in a more wealthy neighborhood. Education researcher Carol Dweck talks about this happening with students. In Dweck’s TED Talk she first describes her  idea of a growth mindset, and what you can do if you teach students a way to create a deeper understanding of knowledge they will become better versions of themselves. This type of mindset is what is going to push a child and their academic goals. When she finally gave children, who usually didn’t get the opportunity to think at a deeper level, the tools to understand knowledge and thinking you can see the difference in their attitude and test scores. “So let’s talk about equality. In our country, there are groups of students who chronically underperform, for example, children in inner cities, or children on Native American reservations. And they’ve done so poorly for so long that many people think it’s inevitable. But when educators create growth mindset classrooms steeped in yet, equality happens” Dweck then goes on to describe this change in their performance in the classroom and the change is unbelievable. She sees that they are placing higher across the national levels and are starting to be recognized for their academic achievements. Giving students these types of opportunities is something that everyone should deserve. Dweck does not believe that students should be punished through their education for their families income and living situation. That is out of the children’s control and yet the school boards and governments still do not give the resources and money to these low income areas. This idea that Dweck talked about in her TED talk is very similar to the ideas that Coates had about school for black children in his essay.  His idea is  that if you give people of colour a chance to talk to have things that many white families and students get, you will be changing the narrative. Coates interviewed a man named Clyde Ross in his essay, asking him about his struggles as a black man in America. When the Coates asked Ross about money and education he said “‘Without the money, you can’t move. You can’t educate your kids. You can’t give them the right kind of food… My kids were going to the best schools in this neighborhood, and I couldn’t keep them in there’”(Page 36). This shows that there are so many people who struggle to keep their kids in a school system that is going to provide them with the tools that Dweck has talked about but once they lose that money and that chance at keeping their kids there, they have to pull them out and send them to schools that don’t have the same opportunities. “The message the young black boy receives from his country, Billy Brooks says, is “ ‘You ain’t shit. You not no good. The only thing you are worth is working for us. You will never own anything. You not going to get an education. We are sending your ass to the penitentiary.’ They’re telling you no matter how hard you struggle, no matter what you put down, you ain’t shit’” (Page 45) this is just another example of black people struggling to get the same type or opportunity in education that white children have been having their entire lives. Throughout most of America’s history, the white people have been in power putting down everyone who did not look like them. These people in charge poisoned the minds of America entirely by making people of color be seen as less than solely the color of their skin, without knowing anything else about them. They created an entirely horrible connotation about people of color because of the way they look. And for decades we have let this happen. If we gave everyone an equal chance at living the life of American Dream, we as a whole country would be able to see that people of color are not the bad guys. They are more than the ugly ideas that the founders of our country believed them to be. Coates believes that this injustice can be stopped and that if we just give all of these children the same opportunities, you can see just how smart black children are and how well they can do in school. School is something that everyone has the right too but we need to have a universal type of education so that all students get the same opportunities. If we do this we can have a variety of people in charge and making decisions for our country, and not have it be the same old white men in charge.

Changes: I added a little bit more of my perspective at the end of this paragraph. While rereading it I could tell that I was missing my own voice in this paragraph. By adding my voice at the end here and then tying it all together with the ideas of the authors, you can see my understanding of the text and how it makes me feel. By doing this I also give my readers more of an inside understanding of  the text. 

HR 40, also known as the Commision to Study Reparation Proposals for African Americans Act, is a bill that has been thrown about the Senate floors for years. It was initially proposed by John Conyers JR and he has been fighting for over 25 years for these reparations to happen. Ta-Nehisi Coates talks about the ideas that Coyner had for this reparation bill and just how it wasn’t going to work. There has been much discussion about the bill and what it stands for. Coyner, and Coates, want the black people of America to get something in return for the horrible treatment they have faced since the start of America. Yet, there is something more that Coates thinks is the issue with reparations. He says, “suggests that our concerns are rooted not in the impracticality of reparations but in something more existential.” (page  21). This idea that Coates has is that reparations will not be achievable unless we do something to change the American government. This country was founded directly upon racisms and racists ideas, people we were owning people of colour when our country started and these ideas that anyone who is not white if inferreiour is still something that we are struggling with today. We still live with the racist ideas of government, and if that doesn’t change then we will never be able to repay the black people for the trauma and hurt they have been put through for generations. 

Carol Dweck talks about this idea of a growth mindset, and what you can do if you teach students a way to create a deeper understanding of knowledge they will become better versions of themselves. When she finally gave children, who usually didn’t get the opportunity to think at a deeper level, the tools to understand knowledge and thinking you can see the difference in their attitude and test scores. “So let’s talk about equality. In our country, there are groups of students who chronically underperform, for example, children in inner cities, or children on Native American reservations. And they’ve done so poorly for so long that many people think it’s inevitable. But when educators create growth mindset classrooms steeped in yet, equality happens” Dweck then goes on to describe this change in their performance in the classroom and the change is unbelievable. Giving students these types of opportunities is something that everyone should deserve. And this idea that Dweck has is something that Coates talks about in his essay. The idea that if you give people of colour a chance to talk to have things that many white families and students get, you will be changing the narrative. Coates believes that students of color can do just as well, if not better, than white students. 

In Scheuer’s article about critical thinking he talks about what critical thinking is and how it gets developed. He says “The advanced skills that form that bridge include thinking independently, an almost self-evident intellectual virtue but a vague one (and no mind is an island); thinking outside the box (likewise crucial but unspecific); grasping the different forms and divisions of knowledge and how they are acquired (but the forms of knowledge and ways of acquiring them evolve); seeing distinctions and connections beyond the obvious; distinguishing reality from appearance; and engaging with complexity, but not for its own sake”(page 5). Scheuer is talking about thinking outside of the box and seeing outside of yourself as a way to think critically, to have an understanding of something that someone else may be going through. And this idea of critical thinking can tie right into Coates idea of reparation. The second and third paragraph on the 21st page talk about reparations and exactly what HR 40 is. But Coates believes that reparations won’t happen due to America being founded directly on the ideas of racism. He thinks that it won’t happened because those who were harmed by slavery are all dead and those who owned slaves are also dead so there is no point in paying back these people who never experienced these hardships. But with Scheuers idea of thinking outside the box and truly seeing outside of ourselves, putting yourself in their shoes could be what changes politicians’ view on reparations. If we use Scheuer’s knowledge on critical thinking and just immerse ourselves in the understanding of what has happened to these people, we will be more willing to help them and give them a second chance. 

1. The four places that Coates mentions the HR-40 Bill are: The 11th paragraph in the third section, the 13th paragraph in the third paragraph, the 8th paragraph in the fourth section, and 17th paragraph in the fifth section.
2. When Coates first mentions the ideas of reparations and the justices that the black people deserve he says that he doesn’t believe that it will be able to happen. Not because it will cost too much money but because America itself was built upon racist ideas and there are still many people in power who agree with these racist ideas. These ideas are what has carried America throughout its lifetime and some people believe that they people who were hurt by slavery are dead so why give this money to their families? They think that these people aren’t the ones that have had to deal with racism, which isn’t the case. And because we have these closed minded people running our country there is no way that reparations are going to be able to happen and that is what Coates talks about in this first section about HR-40. 
3. In the second paragraph that Coates talks about HR-40 he talks about how reparation might have to do with our country’s existence. Our country was founded many years ago on racists beliefs and ideas and our way of governing the country has never change. America’s entire existence has been perceived through racists views, and still currently is. This is what Coates means when he talks about existence. But if we start to make a difference and a change in the way our society and government is run then there can be a chance that someday in the future these people and families will be able to get the reparations that they deserve. The change starts with the younger generations and if we take the power we have into our own hands, we will be able to change the course of the future. But if we continue to run it the way it is being run now, nothing will change. Coates talks about how the existence of America is the problem, so if we start to change America for the better there will be a greater chance of reparations in the future.
4. In the third paragraph that Coates talks about HR-40 he says that maybe reparations may never be fully repaid and that reparations are being seen as a threat. The threat of reparations is that they challenge the ideas that this country was founded upon. They challenge the racist ideals and viewpoints of our founding fathers. And this is seen as a threat too many people and people in power. They believe that America is perfect and that there is nothing that needs to be changed, which is very false. But when these ideas are questioned people get very defensive and make reparations look like the bad guy. If we push for reparations, there is going to be a lot of backlash and this is the threat the Coates is worried about. He is worried about the push back from citizens if HR-40 ever passes. 
5. In the last paragraph that Coates mentions HR-40 challenges the myth that comes with reparations. He believes that if you actually think about reparations and what it can do for people you can see the good. But people are so set into their ways that they don’t give it a second thought. Reparations are something that can be good for many people and their families and can be one step closer to a more equal society. Coates believes that truly understanding reparations is what is going to help people become more aware about what they truly are and what they truly mean.

1.

2. During the change of owning a home, there were many laws and actions put in place to help people buy and be able to actually afford housing. Except these laws only were in place for white people, they would help the white people get loans and make sure that white people lived in the best neighborhoods and have the best access to whatever the city provided. While for the black people, there were neighborhoods that were restricted from them and they were barely able to get housing and loans from the bank, solely based upon their skin color. “Like the Home Owners’ Loan Corporation, the Federal Housing Administration initially insisted on restrictive covenants, which helped bar blacks and other ethnic undesirables from receiving federally backed home loans.” is a way Coates describes the way these laws excluded anyone of color. They were specifically made to keep blacks out of neighborhoods and areas where the majority of the residents were white. When a black person did live near a white person or in the same neighborhood, “one man said his black neighbor was ‘probably a nice guy, but every time I look at him I see $2,000 drop off the value of my house.’’’ The white people were being told that living with or near black people would drop the value of their houses. This type of racism was practiced by everyone in white neighborhoods and in the loan distribution offices. 

3. In paragraph 7 of section 8 of the essay, Coates talks about how contract sellers will use their power to target black families who were finally making something of themselves, but not enough to own a home with a real loan. Coates says that the black families could be better and richer than some white families but they will not get the same treatment solely based upon skin color. And this idea that black people have to work even harder has been seen with the Obama family, which Coates talked about at the end of the second section. The Obama family had to work harder than ever to get where they are and to give their children the opportunities that they have. But with the Bush family, while they have been successful on their own, were handed everything on a silver platter. They had the privilege of being white and these things that the Obamas struggled to achieve were handed to them easily. The Obama family had to work much harder than most families in politics to reach the level that they have. They were not handed positions of power and money, they had to work for these powers and ideas. But many other families, especially in positions of power in the American government, did not have to work as hard for the opportunities they have been given. And this shows the idea that Coates was talking about in the eight section, that these black families may be amazing and have work toward these goals but in the end the white people and their family are the ones who are truly going to receive the acknowledgement at the end. 

4. The idea of reparations has been thrown around for years. The idea to give back something to the people who have been affected by racism throughout the country and time. In our past there were a lot of injustices toward people who were not white and even to this day there are still many injustices that are happening to people of different races. But why have we not done anything about it? Why have we not given reparations to these people who are obviously so deserving of equality? Reparations are something that these people deserve but there are a lot of factors that need to be taken into consideration when trying to give reparations. Not only is the cost going to be very high, but many of the doubters will say, why are we giving them reparations? The ones who were hurt the most by slavery and racism are either very old or dead, so why should we be giving out money to their families, they did not endure what others endured. And this mindset is what is stopping reparations from happening. The idea that the people who are alive now have not gone through these same struggles or that racism is not as bad as everyone says. These ideas and mindsets of the people in charge is what is stopping reparations from happening.

1. Some annotations from the text:

2. Clyde Ross was a poor black man from the Deep South born during the 1920’s, the era of Jim Crow. He had spent his entire childhood being silenced and taking whatever the white men threw at him. After spending some time enlisted into the army, he moved to Chicago during the migration of black people during the 1940’s, after the murder of Emmett Till. He hoped that here he would get a fresh start and be able to provide for himself and his future family, in ways his parents could not do for him. Life in Chicago seemed to be good for Clyde, he was getting paid and not being scared of white men when we walked down the street. But there were still some glaring injustices that he faced. He moved into a new home, but he was not able to get a mortgage directly from a bank. He had a contract with the old owner, not a bank. And he had to be on top of every payment or his entire life would start to crumble beneath him. The man who sold him his house was inflating the price of his home and trying to move him out to move someone else in to continue this cycle with other black families. The FHA had areas and neighborhoods mapped out as to where white people and black people were supposed to live. Author Ta-Nehisi Coates said, “The FHA insured private mortgages, causing a drop in interest rates and a decline in the size of the down payment required to buy a house. But an insured mortgage was not a possibility for Clyde Ross. The FHA had adopted a system of maps that rated neighborhoods according to their perceived stability. On the maps, green areas, rated “A,” indicated “in demand” neighborhoods that, as one appraiser put it, lacked “a single foreigner or Negro.” These neighborhoods were considered excellent prospects for insurance. Neighborhoods where black people lived were rated “D” and were usually considered ineligible for FHA backing. They were colored in red. Neither the percentage of black people living their nor their social class mattered. Black people were viewed as a contagion” showing what the Chicago FHA was doing to the black people. They were creating these areas that they could advertise for the black folk to live in so the white neighborhoods would not be “corrupted” by the black folks. Once word got around that these cities were doing this the citizens started standing up for themselves so they could get the same opportunities and housing the white people got. This discrimination of housing shows that even after the black people had their freedom, there were still people and organizations that fought this and tried their hardest to make it harder for the black people to live in this country. 

3. “Forty-five percent of all households are on food stamps—nearly three times the rate of the city at large.” This shows that these families are not making enough money to support themselves and feed themselves. They are living on wages that are not able to truly provide for themselves. 

“The Pew Research Center estimates that white households are worth roughly 20 times as much as black households, and that whereas only 15 percent of whites have zero or negative wealth, more than a third of blacks do.” This data shows that still black families are not able to get the same type of treatments from banks, or loans, that many white families do and this is creating this gap between the worth of the houses families live in. 

“In 2012, the Manhattan Institute cheerily noted that segregation had declined since the 1960s. And yet African Americans still remained—by far—the most segregated ethnic group in the country.” segregation has declined rapidly since the 60’s, and people of colour are not as hated around the world but there are still people with their prejudices that limit black people and their families from having true equality. While black people have gained more equality and freedom over the years, they are no wehre near the level of white people. 

5. When Coates talks about the HR-40 bill he says, “One cannot escape the question by hand-waving at the past, disavowing the acts of one’s ancestors, nor by citing a recent date of ancestral immigration. The last slaveholder has been dead for a very long time. The last soldier to endure Valley Forge has been dead much longer. To proudly claim the veteran and disown the slaveholder is patriotism à la carte. A nation outlives its generations. We were not there when Washington crossed the Delaware, but Emanuel Gottlieb Leutze’s rendering has meaning to us. We were not there when Woodrow Wilson took us into World War I, but we are still paying out the pensions. If Thomas Jefferson’s genius matters, then so does his taking of Sally Hemings’s body. If George Washington crossing the Delaware matters, so must his ruthless pursuit of the runagate Oney Judge” showing the readers that the people they are trying to give reparations to are not the ones who were truly affected by slavery. The people who were hurt and harmed by the racism of the past are not alive now, why should we be giving people things when they weren’t the ones who went through the torture. Reparations should have been made a long time ago, but the reason that they are not passing now is because these black people and their families were not the ones that were held captive in the past. Yes America as a whole is still racists but it is not to the extent that it was many, many years ago. And giving money or some sort of reparation to people now is not going to help the people of the past because they are not the one who were being hurt. 

Original Paragraph:

A liberal arts education can make or break a person’s choice for college. Whether it be they only will go to liberal arts college and that is the deciding factor for them or they will not go to a liberal arts college. They want a career oriented education, and less of this broader style of education that the liberal arts are advocates for. And in some cases, students go wherever they can get the best education, not caring if it is a liberal arts college or not. The liberal arts style of education is one that is more focused on the growth of knowledge for a student and less on the career aspect for their futures. This broad and expansive education is creating students that are able to critically understand and communicate with the other people they are working with. To some it seems like this style of education is going to be harmful for students in the future but in reality it is quite the opposite. Author and liberal arts advocate Sanford Ungar conducted a study to see if a liberal arts background would be beneficial for students and their future in the workforce.  “An astounding 89 percent said they were looking for more emphasis on “the ability to effectively communicate orally and in writing,” and almost as many urged the development of better “critical thinking and analytical reasoning skills.” Seventy percent said they were on the lookout for “the ability to innovate and be creative’”( Paragraph 7) the data here that he has discovered shows that with this broad background in knowledge of verbal communication and writing is going to create a person who is different from all of the the other contenders for the job. Ungar is showing his readers that the liberal arts  style of education is changing the game for the job market and future employers. They want someone who is going to be able to have communication and critical thinking, which is highly developed in students who go to a liberal arts college. Why this type of education creates these more critical thinkers is due to the fact that they don’t focus solely on career oriented classes. They branch out and have their students take political science,  literature, philosophy, sociology, and many other classes that force a deeper level of thinking and understanding onto the students. And this idea that the liberal arts is going to create more jobs and opportunities for students. This idea of the liberal arts education being beneficial to students and their futures is something that many advocates for the liberal arts have been saying for years. Similarly to Ungar’s ideas, another author Jeffrey Scheuer also agrees with the idea that a liberal arts education is going to open up the field of jobs that students can apply to. Scheuer’s idea is that  “The liberal arts ideal still has its eloquent defenders, and there is evidence that good jobs go to liberal arts graduates” (Paragraph 3) showing us that the liberal arts isn’t what is stopping young people from getting jobs. If anything it is creating more opportunities to students and giving them a wider range of jobs to apply for. The liberal arts does open up a level of thinking that is going to be beneficial for students in many years to come. And once these students start down a path, they are going to always be growing their knowledge and understanding, continuing to learn along the way. 

Revised Paragraph:

A liberal arts education can make or break a person’s decision when it comes to college. Maybe they want a more career oriented education, and less of this broader style of education that the liberal arts are advocates for or students go wherever they can get the best education, not caring if it is a liberal arts college or not. The liberal arts style of education is more focused on the growth of knowledge for a student and less on the career aspect of their futures. While a liberal arts is considered to be solely humanities based, there are also some colleges that include the natural sciences as part of their curriculum. This broad and expansive education is creating students that are able to critically understand and communicate while working with others. To some it seems like this style of education is going to be harmful for students in the future but in reality it is quite the opposite. Author and liberal arts advocate Sanford Ungar spends his time debunking the incorrect theories about this education style. He conducted a study to see if a liberal arts background would be beneficial for students and their future in the workforce.  “An astounding 89 percent said they were looking for more emphasis on “the ability to effectively communicate orally and in writing,” and almost as many urged the development of better “critical thinking and analytical reasoning skills.” Seventy percent said they were on the lookout for “the ability to innovate and be creative’”( Paragraph 7) the data here that he has discovered shows that with this broad background in knowledge of verbal communication and writing is going to create a person who is different from all of the the other contenders for the job. Ungar is showing his readers that the liberal arts style of education is changing the game for the job market and future employers. With this expansive understanding of a variety of topics these students are leaps and bounds above the average student at a career based college. The workforce wants someone who is going to be able to have communication and critical thinking, which is highly developed in students who go to a liberal arts college. Why does this type of education create these more critical thinkers? Because these colleges have their students branch out and take political science,  literature, philosophy, sociology, and other classes that force a deeper level of thinking and understanding onto the students. This gives them a more diverse and more knowledge based background that is going to propel them into a great future and this idea that the liberal arts education is beneficial to students is something that many advocates have been saying for years. Author Jeffrey Scheuer also agrees with the idea that a liberal arts education is going to open up the field of jobs that students can apply to. In Scheuer’s paper “The Critical Thinking and the Liberal Arts” his ideas are that  “The liberal arts ideal still has its eloquent defenders, and there is evidence that good jobs go to liberal arts graduates” (Paragraph 3) showing the readers  that the liberal arts isn’t what is stopping young people from getting jobs. If anything it is creating more opportunities to students and giving them a wider range of jobs to apply for. The liberal arts does open up a level of thinking that is going to be beneficial for students in many years to come. And once these students start down a path, they are going to always be growing their knowledge and understanding, continuing to learn along the way.

This paragraph beforehand needed some love. It needed to be edited and have more depth and description added to it. And with the lesson we did with the subordination I added one of these sentences that I made to make more flow in my paragraph. I also added more coordination phrases and sentences to show my opinion while also either contradicting the ideas of the text we read or agreeing with the text’s ideas. These changes made the paragraph as a whole flow better and give more depth and meaning to the essay itself.

3 places where I used coordination correctly:

1. The liberal arts style of education is one that is more focused on the growth of knowledge for a student and less on the career aspect for their futures.
2. Here each student has a major that they are taking a majority of classes in but there is a required curriculum and handbook so that their students still get the liberal arts education, while being career oriented as well.
3. STEM, by some liberal arts advocates, is not considered part of the education system of the liberal arts but Sanford Ungar believes that a liberal arts background is going to help students applying in the STEM field. 

2 places where I used subordination correctly:

1. While students here do have a major, they also are required to take classes that are part of the Core Curriculum to give them a broader perspective and understanding of the materials they are learning. 
2. While a liberal arts is considered to be solely humanities based, there are also some colleges that include the natural sciences as part of their curriculum.

For the coordination conjunctions I actually found them all in my working draft and I think they all are compound sentences that compare two things, whether it be works from the authors or my ideas. I usually do a pretty good job bringing in compound sentences into my writing so I knew I would have them in my essay. While for the subordination sentences I only had the first one in my essay. These are a bit harder for me but I think that the first one that I had worked really well. I talked about students having a major but also have classes that pertain to the liberal arts ideas which works really well with the setup of the subordination sentences. The second sentence I wrote myself for this assignment but I think it will definitely work in my essay.