The Other Woman
Music blared through the dimly lit basement. The fluorescent glow of fading LEDs was my only source of light as I trampled through the massive crowd of people toward the stairs. I tossed the empty cup in my hand underneath my feet as I trekked up the musty stairwell. We had been at this party for way too long and my feet hurt. As I reached the last step, I pulled my Converse off and looked around for any face I knew in the crowd, but it was useless. I staggered toward the front door, pushing the sweaty blonde hair out of my face with my free hand. I stalked outside and down the street barefoot, shoes in hand.
The evening was a cool contrast to the small space I had been cooped up in all night. Thankful for the breeze that hit my face, I looked up at the stars, trying to find my favorite constellation. The hazy state of my mind only saw blurs of light twinkling. I wasn’t sure if I was headed in the right direction, but I made my way toward where I hoped campus would be. A car slowly pulled up next to me, and I looked over my shoulder to see the passenger side window rolling down. A familiar face appeared from the driver’s seat, short dark hair sitting messily upon his head, dark eyes lit up by the dashboard lights.
“Get in the car, Florence, you’re heading in the wrong direction,” Lincoln laughed lightly. Like a magnet for his voice, my unsteady legs walked toward his car of their own accord. I threw my shoes on the floor and apprehensively settled into the passenger seat. The warmth of the car contrasted the cool night, and the midnight blue of the sky blossomed within me as I was put back into a familiar place by his side. He put the car in drive and I glanced sideways at him, my foggy brain unsure how to act.
“I’m not supposed to be talking to you.” I said quietly, facing forward to avoid eye contact. He snickered from the drivers seat, blinker going off as we pulled onto our campus.
“You were wandering around the street with your shoes in your hand, in the wrong direction. I thought this would be the most appropriate time to be talking to you.” He took his eyes off the road to look over at me. Even though it was dark, his eyes betrayed his feelings. He looked happy to be with me, but at the same time he seemed saddened by our circumstances. Having him beside me comforted me like a cup of warm coffee on a cold day, a feeling I had missed during our time apart.
“She said to leave you alone. So I was leaving you alone.” I knew the still hazy state of my brain would knock down my defenses and make me spill my heart to him, so I tried to be deliberate with my choice of words. If I wasn’t careful, this interaction could backfire in both of our faces.
“And you’re choosing to listen to her? That doesn’t sound like you, Flo. Angela is the last person I ever expected you to listen to,” he said as he pulled the car in front of our apartment building. I didn’t even realize we had already made it back to campus. The clock on the dashboard lit up the screen, it was past two in the morning. My roommates would hopefully be back from the party by now.
“I’m just trying to do the right thing right now, Link. I care too much to not listen to what she says,” I said, looking down at my hands. They fidgeted with each other, trying to keep my nerves, and the drinks I had tonight, in their place.
“You know I care about you. I’ve told you that. I just need more time to figure this out. I promise you it’s happening,” Lincoln said, turning his body to face me completely. He grabbed my hand out of my lap, holding it warmly. He was doing the right things, saying the right things, but I couldn’t shake the warning I had been given.
“No, I can’t keep waiting, Lincoln. Have you ever thought about how I feel? Every single time I see you, it’s been up to you and your feelings. The ball is always in your court, and I can’t keep doing this. You know what I want, and I know you want it, too.” He needed to know how I really felt, and I needed to stand up for myself, drinks be damned. “I would be all in, I can be all in, but you have to be all in, otherwise this won’t work. Angela has been important to you for years, and I respect that. But if you’re as unhappy as you say you are, then do something about it.” I hastily unbuckled my seatbelt and grabbed my shoes off the floor. I needed a sturdy exit, so I prayed my legs held up as I opened the car door and stomped out.
“You know how I feel! I’ve told you a hundred times. I am trying to end things with her, I am trying to end it as kindly as possible. I’ve spent the last three years growing with her, growing apart from her, and now I’m trying to move on. I need to do this in person, she deserves that much,” Lincoln yelled, stepping out of the car and slamming his door. I shut mine as well, eyeing him warily as he walked over and stood in front of me. The height difference between us made him tower over me, and I stared up at him, trying my hardest not to break.
“I just need you to explain to me what you’re doing with her. She’s hurt you, and I’m on your team no matter what, Lincoln, but I still need you to talk to me.” I felt a blush creeping over my cheeks. He looked down at me, a sheepish smile on his face.
“I promise I’m trying, but you need to work with me, okay? Believe me, Florence, I am trying to do the right things for you.” I melted at the twinkle in his eye, all I could do was nod at him with a smile. The haze from my evening was fading away and I felt things were finally going in the right direction for us. With all my willpower, I backed away and walked toward the dorm that housed my apartment. I reached the door and turned to look at him. He was leaning against his car, fluffy hair blowing in the light breeze of the night, and he looked at me, wearing that smile that rendered me helpless. I waved, watched him wave back, heart skipping as I turned and walked into the lobby of our building.
When I reached my apartment, I was happy to find both of my roommates already home. Though I didn’t want to talk, it comforted me to know they were there. Maddie was passed out on our couch with the television still playing in the background and Bella’s bedroom door was open just a crack. I could see her sleeping in her bed as I walked to my room. My stark white bedding was still made up nicely from this morning as I quietly shut my door, changed out of my uncomfortable party clothes into my pajamas, and settled into the inviting pillows. As much as I needed sleep, I ended up staring up at my blank ceiling, reflecting on the night. I had gone to the party tonight needing to forget, never expecting to end it with the face-to-face conversation Lincoln and I needed to have. I had blown him off for a week now, it was easier that way. The conversation I had with Angela still weighed heavily on my heart, but I knew what I wanted. My eyes shut and the memory of that night took over as I tried to find sleep.
My subconscious whisked me away to Lincoln’s room, and I remembered sitting on his couch waiting for one of his roommates to get back so we could go run errands. I was mindlessly scrolling my phone when I heard the door unlock. I looked up to see Angela burst in, her face enraged. Her appearance in the room was stifling, the fury on her face enough to make my heart beat warily in my chest.
“What the hell are you doing here?” she asked as she stalked over to stand above my seat on the couch.
“Waiting for Connor, we have a few errands to run, not like it’s any of your business,” I responded, being forced to look up at her. She glowered over me with angry eyes, her dark curly hair trying unsuccessfully to be tamed with a ponytail. “I didn’t know you were coming up this weekend, Angela.” I measured my voice, not wanting to give her any hint of what had been going on between her high school boyfriend and his new neighbor.
“I wanted to see my boyfriend, didn’t think that was a crime,” she said sharply, crossing her arms. “Do you think I’m stupid?”
“Sorry?” I questioned, my heart racing. Lincoln and I had been so careful, there was no reason for her to be here or even speaking to me. Had he let something slip?
“You heard what I said. So I’ll ask again, do you think I am stupid Florence? I know exactly what you two have been doing. He’s been way more distant this year at school than he ever has been. I didn’t put the pieces together until he and Connor were talking about going over to your room one night after I left. And then it hit me, his new pretty neighbor just always happens to be around when I’m not.”
I was speechless. She made it sound so cheap, so sneaky. I shook my head at her. “You’re delusional,” I started but was cut off by her shrill voice.
“Are you really trying to play dumb here? Stay the fuck away from him, if you know what’s good for you. I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but it won’t work. He picked me, that won’t change now. There is nothing about you that is remotely special,” she seethed, taking a step toward me.
I stood up off the couch, eyes parallel to her now, wishing for words.
“Don’t even have anything to say to defend yourself, huh? Stay away from him,” she growled, turning to storm out of the apartment. The slam of the door made my knees buckle and I slumped into the couch. Tears pricked my eyes as I saw myself through hers.
The memory of shutting the door jolted me out of my thoughts. My eyes snapped open to stare at the blank ceiling. Her opinion of me shouldn’t matter, I remembered how disgusted I felt with myself. It still washed over me, as I lay there, my mind a wrestling match between the shame and my feelings for Lincoln, until sleep finally took over.
I woke up the next morning to the obnoxious sound of my alarm. Quickly rolling over I shut it off and slung my hand over my eyes. It was way too early, and my head was pounding after last night. But despite the fog, my first thoughts were of Lincoln. I checked my phone; there were no new messages. He never texted me last night, I didn’t even know if he made it back to his apartment. I couldn’t help but worry about him, and about us. Did he really mean what he had said? Or was it all just part of his game? Did Angela find out he and I talked and had she found a way to pull him back in? The paranoia clouded my judgment as I got dressed for work. I grabbed my keys off of my wooden dresser, scribbled a note to my roommates that I would be back around eight o’clock tonight and that we would hang out, stuck it onto the fridge and dragged myself into my day.
When I finally pulled back onto campus that night the sun was already down, but the sky was clear and I admired the scenery lit up by a full collection of stars. It didn’t take long for my thoughts to turn back to Lincoln, as they had all day. I still hadn’t heard from him. I promised myself I wasn’t going to pester him, or double text him, or show up at his room tonight. I wasn’t going to be that girl, but I worried. His apartment was down the hall from mine, so I knew I would hear him when he came home, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I had scared him away with my honesty last night.
I opened up the door to our apartment and was greeted by my roommates. Maddie was at the stove, cooking dinner, and Bella was watching the new dumb reality show we had started this week, pretending to do her homework.
“Flo! You’re home!” Maddie exclaimed as I walked in. Bella waved at me from her spot on the couch, taking her eyes off the television.
“Hey guys, how was your day?” I asked as I settled into the comforts of home. The room was warmly lit up with a variation of Christmas lights and was filled with the scent of our blueberry candle and the pasta dish Maddie was making.
“Good, super boring though. Neither of us felt good enough to do anything today. Are you okay to stay home and have a night in?” Bella asked.
“I am so down for a night in, my head is still pounding.”
“Where did you go last night? We lost you.” Maddie asked, portioning out dinner for us.
“Um, I left around two-ish and just walked home. I just needed to clear my head,” I replied, taking the bowls of pasta from Maddie and handing one to Bella on the couch. I sat down in the chair beside her, turning my attention to the TV. I knew I couldn’t tell them about what had happened with Lincoln last night, the line that we had crossed, the promises he had made. They both thought we were still strictly friends. I couldn’t face them if they knew that I was the reason Lincoln was breaking up with his girlfriend of three years. I never wanted to be the person I had become.
We finished up dinner with small talk and mindless reality TV. I tried my best to be as present as possible, but I couldn’t quiet the dread in the pit of my stomach that had everything to do with Lincoln and his absence. He told me last night he was all in. He told me it was going to be us. And then, silence. It felt nice to relax with my roommates and settle in for the night, though my heart skipped every time my phone buzzed or I heard footsteps in the hallway outside. But the hours passed with no word, I guess last night was a mirage.
The TV played but my mind wandered to the first time Lincoln and I officially met. The semester had just started and we had found a new set of close friends, the boys who lived down the hall from us. I had only met Connor and Riley, their third roommate was quite elusive. He was always out when we were over, so I had only seen him once in passing at a party they had thrown early in the semester.
It had started as a typical movie night for us in their apartment. Maddie and Bella snuggled on the couch next to Connor, I stole the only small chair while Riley sprawled on the floor. The third roommate, Lincoln, was nowhere in sight.
“Where’s Lincoln?” Maddie had asked.
“He’s in his room, on the phone with bitchass Angela. They’re fighting…AGAIN…. But don’t tell her I call her that,” Riley laughed, switching on the television to start a movie.
“He’s still with her?” Bella asked, “Didn’t they fight all last year too?” Bella knew Riley from last school year, she was the one who introduced us all to each other.
“Oh they did, but he’s too nice to break up with her. I don’t know what kind of masochist this kid is, she’s rotten to him, but he just can’t do it,” Connor cut in as Riley started up the movie.
“Fuck, Angela, this is so ridiculous! I don’t even know who is out there right now!” Lincoln yelled from behind his shut door.
“Here they go again, it never stops. Can’t even enjoy our movie night,” Riley yelled, throwing a couch pillow down the hall at Lincoln’s door.
“Is this normal?” I asked.
“Yeah unfortunately. They’ve been rocky since he got to college, but she’s been even worse to him this year. We told him to break up with her over the summer, but he didn’t. He clearly doesn’t even like her, I don’t get it,” Riley shrugged. They seemed used to the constant fighting. I would tire of being sucked into their drama.
Lincoln had been silent in his room while the rest of us enjoyed the movie. We had kind of forgotten about him until I heard a door creek open and saw him walk down the hall. His face looked weary, his body language defeated. He took two strides into the room before looking up and finding me, a glance at first, and then a magnet.
His brown eyes attached to my blue ones, holding my gaze. The entire world paused, the sounds of my friends and the movie completely disappeared as we held time, neither of us breaking. The expression on Lincoln’s face was pure, he looked at me with the utmost admiration and need, yet I couldn’t understand why. This was the first time we had seen each other sober, what could he be thinking? But here we were, locked in this contest, the room dissolving as I lost myself in the chocolate depths that held so many future mistakes and possibilities.
Riley cleared his throat, rushing both Lincoln and I back into reality. “Everything okay in there bud?” Riley asked, as Lincoln took a seat on the ground in front of my chair.
“Yeah, it’s whatever. We were on the phone and she heard the girls laugh and lost her mind, nothing unusual,” Lincoln responded, glancing back around at me, as if making sure I was still there.
We spent the rest of the night making soul stopping eye contact. I tried to decipher what it meant, what we were even doing, I didn’t know this boy, or at least I didn’t know him like I wanted to know him. I didn’t realize then just how much trouble he would bring to me, how hard I would fall with no regard for my own heart. Was this what they meant by love at first sight?
Things had grown from there, our gazes became moments, then minutes, then constant maneuvering to find our way to each other. He confided in me, I was there when he vented about his relationship, he made me feel like someone worth loving. But his silence today made me question everything, made me wonder how I could be so careless as to hand my heart over to someone who held another.
I decided to call it a night, but just as I turned toward my room, there was a banging on our door.
“Come on guys, my key won’t work will you let me in? This isn’t funny,” the familiar voice muffled from the hallway. I hoped my roommates didn’t notice the way my heart jumped at the sound of his voice. I played it cool and opened the door slowly to find an intoxicated Lincoln trying to unlock our door with his room key. It was always an intoxicated Lincoln on the other side of the door, as though the liquid gave him the confidence he needed to follow his heart. A wobbly smile erupted on his face as he saw me.
“I don’t live here,” he giggled, pushing past me to plop clumsily down in the chair I previously occupied. He dropped his bag on the floor, which clattered with empty cans, pushed the baseball cap off his head, and ran his hands through his messy hair. The second he entered the room, I felt at ease for the first time since last night. He was here, and he was with me.
“Hey buddy. What are you doing here?” Maddie questioned, eyeing me and Bella. Lincoln and his roommates often came over after their nights out, but it was strange to see just one of them.
“Well I was at a party down the road with the boys and then I left. Also, did you realize your room looks exactly like mine from the outside?” He rambled, bringing the half full can to his lips. “Flo, do you have any food? I’m so hungry.” Lincoln turned his attention fully to me for the first time since last night. The drinks made his cheeks flush a light pink and there was an excitement behind his brown eyes that usually meant nothing good.
“Of course, what do you want? We had pasta for dinner or I can get you a snack?” I asked, walking toward our kitchen. I would have given him anything.
“Pasta please,” Lincoln hummed from his chair, his attention engrossed in the TV. Getting his food together I heard him and my roommates chattering about nothing important, but that didn’t settle my nerves. Lincoln was not one to be quiet about anything, especially when he was drinking, and I worried what would come out of his mouth. When it was warm, I handed him the bowl of pasta.
“Thanks. Sit with me?” Lincoln asked softly. He knew I couldn’t say no.
“Yeah, okay.” I responded in a nervous whisper, perching myself on the arm of his chair. He scooted toward me, resting his head gently on my arm.
“Bella and I are going to bed. You got him?” she asked, looking between me and Lincoln, questioning our awkward flirtation.
“Yeah, I’ll bring him back to his room,” I said as my roommates made their way down the hall. Lincoln sat happily in the chair, resting his head again on my arm. Once he heard both of the doors shut, he lifted his head to look up at me.
“Hi,” he whispered, brown eyes sleepy. “I missed you.” He was fully facing me now, and I swung my legs around the arm of the chair so they were in the seat with him.
“I haven’t heard from you all day,” I said, the hurt of his absence evident in my voice. Even in the state he was in, I knew he saw it.
“Yeah I know. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t do that to you. I just forgot that we were better, ya know? We’ve been fighting this for so long, I just got so caught up in my day. I’ll do better, I promise,” Lincoln responded, with a slight slur to his words. I hoped the alcohol was a truth serum and not a way to just tell me what I wanted to hear. This is what had gotten him into this mess in the first place… too many nights where our inhibitions were down and he couldn’t fight his feelings the way he did during the sobriety of daylight.
“Okay. As long as we are still good, it’s okay,” I said. “But let’s get you to bed, you’re a mess.” I laughed, standing up and extending my free hand to him. He grabbed it and stood up, wobbling as he did. “Phone and keys in your pocket?” I asked.
“Yes ma’am.” I laughed at him, and he snaked his arm around my shoulder, mine going around his waist to steady him. Stumbling with him down the hallway, I took his keys out of his hand and unlocked his door. We were met with the shocked face of one of his roommates.
“Dude where have you been?” Connor asked Lincoln. He turned his attention to me. “Where did you find him? He’s been missing for two hours and wouldn’t answer his phone. I thought he was dead.”
“He ended up in my room. I fed him and now I’m bringing him back. I didn’t know you guys were looking for him, I’m sorry,” I answered for Lincoln, who had laid his head on top of my head, leaving a light kiss in my hair. My heart fluttered.
“I wanted to see Florence,” Lincoln slurred. He let go of me and stumbled over to the couch. He threw his body down, missed entirely, and ended up in a heap on the floor.
“Are you okay dude? You just ate the floor,” Connor laughed.
“Florence, did you see that? I just fell, and I think I broke the table.” He groaned and laughed at the same time, holding up a piece of the wooden coffee table in his hand. I laughed as I reached to help him up.
“I think you might have had one too many tonight. It’s time for bed, you gotta get up,” I said. “Link, buddy, we have to go to bed. You can’t sleep on the floor, you’ll hate yourself for it tomorrow.” He shook his head at me, eyes fluttering closed as he succumbed to sleep.
“Thank you. For bringing him back. He seems to want to be with you an awful lot, even when he’s not drinking,” Connor said as we walked into their kitchen. I smiled, feeling a blush creep onto my cheeks.
“He is something else, but I’m glad he’s back in one piece.” I said. I looked at the sleeping boy on the floor, light snores coming out of his mouth. I just wanted to take care of him, to be near him.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but I’m smart enough to know that you mean an awful lot to him,” said Connor. “He’s been dealing with a lot lately, especially with Angela. I don’t know what he sees in her,” he shook his head. “He told me you guys stopped talking for a while. He was absolutely broken up over it, he talks about you constantly.”
“I didn’t know that,” I pondered, surprised by Connor’s sudden honesty. “Believe me, I know about Angela, who do you think comforts him every time they get into a fight?” There were more nights than I could count that Lincoln had confided in me. He wasn’t happy, but she was an old habit he didn’t know how to kick.
“Hey, Flo, do you think you can stay with him? I’ve gotta go find Riley,” Connor asked, moving toward the door. I nodded, of course I would stay with him. I would never leave this apartment again if it meant I could be with him. Connor left and I sat on the couch, watching Lincoln breathe.
Sitting on his couch, I remembered back to one of the nights it was just Lincoln and I. I was watching mindless television on the couch while Lincoln was on a call. I could hear his muffled voice coming from his room, he sounded angry.
“I don’t know what to tell you, Angela, we are neighbors and friends, we are going to hang out,” Lincoln yelled into his phone. His tone startled me. The comforting sound of his voice, a voice that sounded like butter, was replaced by a genuine rage that wiped away everything that he was.
“This is such shit and you know it. You can’t stop me from going out with my friends and having a good time. Does it bother you that Maddie and Bella will be there too or is it just Florence?” he yelled again. “No you don’t get to do this to me! I am allowed to have a life outside of you. I can hang out and party with whoever I want to!”
Hearing my name in his conversation made my heart drop. Why would he and Angela be fighting about me? I knew he and I had a deeper connection than our other friends, we clicked on a level I didn’t think would exist for me.
“No, I can’t keep talking to you tonight. Goodnight,” Lincoln said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “Fuck!” he yelled, following the crash of something into his wall. Pushing the door open, I found him sitting on his bed, head in his hands.
“Lincoln?” I walked tentatively toward him. He sniffled and looked up at me, a sad smile appeared on his face. “Is everything okay?” I asked.
“I’m so sorry Flo, it’s okay, I’ll be fine. But I ruined our movie night, I am so sorry.” Lincoln said, full of emotion. He reached his arms out to me, grabbing my hand and pulling me close to him. With him sitting on his bed we were finally the same height. I smiled at him as I got to look him in the eyes. They were beautiful and brown and filled with tears waiting to spill over the edges. I brought my hands up to either side of his face and rubbed his cheek. One of his arms wrapped around my waist, sitting comfortably to hold me close.
“You didn’t ruin anything, don’t apologize, it’s okay.” I spoke softly, leaning forward and leaving a small kiss on his forehead. He melted into my touch, pulling me closer to his body. His head buried in my neck as he started to cry. I brought my hands to his head and ran them through his hair. He was empty within my arms, the brightness lost behind his chocolate brown eyes, the kind of brown that was so dark yet the only thing you could find solace in. His embrace, while filled with sadness, pulled me into a place that felt like home.
“I just can’t keep doing this anymore. She’s breaking me, I can’t do it. I don’t know what to do anymore.” He said, bringing his head up to look at me. Our eyes met, both of them filled with the dread and fear that Angela instilled in us.
“I’m always here to talk, never forget that. I’m on your team, no matter what Link.” I said, my hand coming up from the back of his hair back onto his cheeks. He leaned his head into my hands, twisting his head to lay a kiss in the palm of my hand.
“I couldn’t do this without you, Flo.” He whispered. “Thank you for everything.”
“I’ll always be here,” I whispered back, letting him release his pent up emotions. This was the first time I knew I wasn’t the only one with a crush. The memory comforted me and I fell into a light sleep.
I don’t know how long I dozed for before I heard Lincoln rustling at my feet.
“My head hurts,” he moaned, starting to get up. He swayed a little, but then locked eyes with me. I knew his buzz was fading as a large grin spread across his face. “You’re still here.”
“Of course I am. Someone needs to keep an eye on you at all times,” I joked.
“Oh yeah? Can I tell you a secret?” he asked as he leaned closer to me, making my heart beat wildly in my chest.
“Please do,” I whispered, trying not to combust at his closeness. He smiled, knowing the effect he had on me.
“I did it,” he said proudly. “Today was the day, and I did it. I went home and I invited her over and I ended it. Florence, it’s over,” Lincoln said, his gaze unwavering as he looked at me.
“Are you… there’s no way, are you serious?” I questioned, afraid to fully believe what he meant. “This isn’t just the liquor talking, right Lincoln? Because I cannot handle that.”
“No, it’s over. It’s the truth and it’s all over. We can finally have this,” he said as he laced his fingers through mine. I instantly relaxed into his body, melting at his touch as he enveloped me into a hug. His head rested atop of mine as I wrapped my arms around his middle. I didn’t want to let go, not ever. I had spent the past few months waiting for this, wishing for this, beating myself up over wanting this. He planted a kiss atop my head before slowly pulling back to look at me.
“I am so proud of you. I know that it took a lot. I’m just glad I don’t have to share you anymore,” I laughed.
“You never had to share me. I was yours from the second I met you, it just took me a minute to figure out how to make things right,” Lincoln said as he pulled me to the couch and wrapped his arms around me. My face rested in his chest as my mind raced. I thought about every moment we had ever spent together, how much he meant to me, how hard we had fought our feelings because he never wanted me to feel like the second choice. His heart had let Angela go long before, he’d held on out of a sense of obligation, but his choice was finally clear. I laid in his arms, thinking of us, of what we were. The pure warmth that he was beside me, contrasting to the cool depths of the waters I felt within myself. In every way that he was Lincoln, I was Florence. The crashing blue tides rushing over the warm dark sands. A familiar scent of him wrapped around my body, the one of coffee, vanilla and home, as I drifted into a perfect sleep.
