Original Paragraph:
A liberal arts education can make or break a person’s choice for college. Whether it be they only will go to liberal arts college and that is the deciding factor for them or they will not go to a liberal arts college. They want a career oriented education, and less of this broader style of education that the liberal arts are advocates for. And in some cases, students go wherever they can get the best education, not caring if it is a liberal arts college or not. The liberal arts style of education is one that is more focused on the growth of knowledge for a student and less on the career aspect for their futures. This broad and expansive education is creating students that are able to critically understand and communicate with the other people they are working with. To some it seems like this style of education is going to be harmful for students in the future but in reality it is quite the opposite. Author and liberal arts advocate Sanford Ungar conducted a study to see if a liberal arts background would be beneficial for students and their future in the workforce. “An astounding 89 percent said they were looking for more emphasis on “the ability to effectively communicate orally and in writing,” and almost as many urged the development of better “critical thinking and analytical reasoning skills.” Seventy percent said they were on the lookout for “the ability to innovate and be creative’”( Paragraph 7) the data here that he has discovered shows that with this broad background in knowledge of verbal communication and writing is going to create a person who is different from all of the the other contenders for the job. Ungar is showing his readers that the liberal arts style of education is changing the game for the job market and future employers. They want someone who is going to be able to have communication and critical thinking, which is highly developed in students who go to a liberal arts college. Why this type of education creates these more critical thinkers is due to the fact that they don’t focus solely on career oriented classes. They branch out and have their students take political science, literature, philosophy, sociology, and many other classes that force a deeper level of thinking and understanding onto the students. And this idea that the liberal arts is going to create more jobs and opportunities for students. This idea of the liberal arts education being beneficial to students and their futures is something that many advocates for the liberal arts have been saying for years. Similarly to Ungar’s ideas, another author Jeffrey Scheuer also agrees with the idea that a liberal arts education is going to open up the field of jobs that students can apply to. Scheuer’s idea is that “The liberal arts ideal still has its eloquent defenders, and there is evidence that good jobs go to liberal arts graduates” (Paragraph 3) showing us that the liberal arts isn’t what is stopping young people from getting jobs. If anything it is creating more opportunities to students and giving them a wider range of jobs to apply for. The liberal arts does open up a level of thinking that is going to be beneficial for students in many years to come. And once these students start down a path, they are going to always be growing their knowledge and understanding, continuing to learn along the way.
Revised Paragraph:
A liberal arts education can make or break a person’s decision when it comes to college. Maybe they want a more career oriented education, and less of this broader style of education that the liberal arts are advocates for or students go wherever they can get the best education, not caring if it is a liberal arts college or not. The liberal arts style of education is more focused on the growth of knowledge for a student and less on the career aspect of their futures. While a liberal arts is considered to be solely humanities based, there are also some colleges that include the natural sciences as part of their curriculum. This broad and expansive education is creating students that are able to critically understand and communicate while working with others. To some it seems like this style of education is going to be harmful for students in the future but in reality it is quite the opposite. Author and liberal arts advocate Sanford Ungar spends his time debunking the incorrect theories about this education style. He conducted a study to see if a liberal arts background would be beneficial for students and their future in the workforce. “An astounding 89 percent said they were looking for more emphasis on “the ability to effectively communicate orally and in writing,” and almost as many urged the development of better “critical thinking and analytical reasoning skills.” Seventy percent said they were on the lookout for “the ability to innovate and be creative’”( Paragraph 7) the data here that he has discovered shows that with this broad background in knowledge of verbal communication and writing is going to create a person who is different from all of the the other contenders for the job. Ungar is showing his readers that the liberal arts style of education is changing the game for the job market and future employers. With this expansive understanding of a variety of topics these students are leaps and bounds above the average student at a career based college. The workforce wants someone who is going to be able to have communication and critical thinking, which is highly developed in students who go to a liberal arts college. Why does this type of education create these more critical thinkers? Because these colleges have their students branch out and take political science, literature, philosophy, sociology, and other classes that force a deeper level of thinking and understanding onto the students. This gives them a more diverse and more knowledge based background that is going to propel them into a great future and this idea that the liberal arts education is beneficial to students is something that many advocates have been saying for years. Author Jeffrey Scheuer also agrees with the idea that a liberal arts education is going to open up the field of jobs that students can apply to. In Scheuer’s paper “The Critical Thinking and the Liberal Arts” his ideas are that “The liberal arts ideal still has its eloquent defenders, and there is evidence that good jobs go to liberal arts graduates” (Paragraph 3) showing the readers that the liberal arts isn’t what is stopping young people from getting jobs. If anything it is creating more opportunities to students and giving them a wider range of jobs to apply for. The liberal arts does open up a level of thinking that is going to be beneficial for students in many years to come. And once these students start down a path, they are going to always be growing their knowledge and understanding, continuing to learn along the way.
This paragraph beforehand needed some love. It needed to be edited and have more depth and description added to it. And with the lesson we did with the subordination I added one of these sentences that I made to make more flow in my paragraph. I also added more coordination phrases and sentences to show my opinion while also either contradicting the ideas of the text we read or agreeing with the text’s ideas. These changes made the paragraph as a whole flow better and give more depth and meaning to the essay itself.
